Hmmm, thats a tough one cuz you need to stop this but dont want to lose her trust. Try explaining to her that secrets are not to be kept between adults and children. Honestly, do you know if your ex is a narcissist? This sounds like behavior of a narc. I just recently permanently stopped communication and visitation with my childs father for many unhealthy reasons due to being a malignant covert narcissist and heavy drinker with multiple warnings but thats a story for another day. If he is a narcissist then this is only the beginning and it will get worse with lots of manipulation and gaslighting along the way. They are masters at trickery. Explain to her that family and especially adults and children don’t keep secrets, that its not safe and we only keep gifts as secrets. Then warn him if he speaks badly about you in front of your daughter .again then this might have to go to court. Now if he’s a narcissist then there is a different approach but nothing easy.
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