30 something, 9 yr old son, too late to have more?

My son just turned 9 and has been asking (begging) for a sibling for years. I did try and was not successful. 2 miscarriages. I want to try again but now I’m in my late 30’s and he is already 9! I struggle with this every single day. I’m 1 of 6 kids. I feel so much guilt not giving him a childhood with siblings. I would be devastated if I couldn’t give him any at all but is it too late?

  • Anonymous
    Aug 21

    My step mom got pregnant with my brother at 41. My high school best friend was born when her mom was 47. It's likely not too late. I will say though, I was 10 when my brother was born. We never had a sibling type relationship. My boy friend was 11 when his next sibling was born. He's always been a parental figure. He too begged his mom for a sibling but the age difference was too much. If you have another child, do it because you genuinely want to have one, because unfortunately, your son is looking for a child he can play with and make his buddy right out of the gate. It wont be that way in the beginning and once it is he'll be entering his teen years and potentially lose interest.

  • E
    Aug 21

    If you’re up to the newborn/toddler and everything else challenge again go for it. If not think about fostering or adoption. There are plenty of children in need of a family, siblings, or just a caring adult in their lives.

  • Lily
    Aug 21

    Unless you really want a lovely little toddler again, I would look into fostering or adoption for a sibling for your son. Because he might love a baby but it won't be a friend for him. or you could do both adopt and have a baby!:p

  • Beverly
    Aug 22

    I had my first at 32, and now pregnant with #2 at 36 (my son is four). So I echo what others say, if you want another one, do it, but recognize the age gap and that your son will likely have a different type of relationship with the new one. I also echo the part about fostering to adopt, maybe a four year who needs a home would be a good fit. I will also add that both me and my husband are only children. I definitely wanted a sibling, my husband was always indifferent to it. But because I didn't have a sibling, my parents were able to do more for me since they didn't have to "share the money" among multiple children.

  • Anna
    Aug 22

    I started having kids in my 30s and had my most recent one at 37, almost 38. Several of my cousins had their later children between 39-42. I do admit that I feel more physically worn having had kids in my later 30s, but it has been worth it. Mind you, as previously mentioned, make sure you want the challenge of having a new baby, or as I always say with every new child “starting over”. Also, the age gap with your other child makes for a different relationship with siblings. My oldest is 7 years older than my youngest and loves his baby brother, but it is definitely different than with his brother that is 3 years younger than him. My own brother is 8 years older than I am and we didn’t form much of a relationship until I was in HS.

  • Michelle
    Aug 22

    I had my daughter at 41 and my son at 42. Had 4 miscarriages prior and both were conceived naturally, so no it’s not too late. Give it a go girl and if it doesn’t happen, “practice” is fun too. I was 6 years older than my second sister and 9 years older than my 3rd and my youngest sister was my baby. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for her. I loved having a little baby sister but maybe that is because we are girls and it was like having a little living doll. However, I happen to have little cousins and my nanny’s daughter who are all 9 years old and they all love the baby. I personally think that age difference makes a great family dynamic however, if you’re looking specifically for a playmate for your son, and if you think he’s capable of all the change, maybe you would consider both trying to have one of your own and adopting/fostering one close to his current age. Either choice you make, I wish you the best!

  • Anonymous
    Aug 22

    Michelle, thanks for sharing. I have a 3 1/2 yo and have been trying for over two years to have another. I am 40 and have 5 miscarriages. I often lose hope but it’s nice to hear a story like yours!

  • Golden rays childcare
    Aug 22

    No it’s not late at all you are still Young I had my son at 35 he is now 11 years old and we all love him so much so don’t worry that is okay to have a baby in your 30

  • AK
    Aug 27

    No way, have more! It’s about how we feel and how well we take care of our body. Good luck!

  • Ellen
    Aug 29

    Def not too late ! My son is 9 and my little girl is 10 months. He loves her SO much and is a big help!!

  • Jenny
    Aug 29

    I had 4 kids from my first marriage 2 boys 15 & 14, and 2 girls 18 & 16. I had remarried. Both my new husband and I were 35 he’d raised step kids but never had any of his own so he wanted kids! We had a boy in oct 2014 my kids being the ages they were not thrilled at first lol but when the baby came it was completely different they all loved him and jumped right in to helping take care of him. My older boys would come get him from his crib in the morning change him; give him a bottle and let me sleep in. Then we decided to have another right away had a girl in December 2015 and my older ones loved her just as much! They have a great relation ship with the little ones they are 4 & 3 now they too love their older brothers and sister and the older ones come get them to do things with them all the time! We are a very close family! My oldest daughter is now 23 just had her first baby boy 2 weeks ago; And my older son has a daughter who’s 1 1/2 years old is also married. We spend a lot of time together as a family! I had my first at 17, I was young so I’m 40 now and 41 in oct. we decided we wanted 1 more before we get to old to have anymore! We lost one in May but we just found out 3 days ago we are pregnant again this will be our last attempt so hoping we keep this pregnancy! So your never to old to add more kiddos to your family if it’s what you want! I have a huge gap in ages and it was the best thing I ever did! Now I only have my youngest son from my first marriage who’s 19 now and the two littles at home, the older ones come by very often, we get together almost every weekend for something!

  • Nise
    Aug 30

    My sister is 40 with a 21 yr old a 9 year old and a 2 year old. Your not too old. Forgot about what society has taught you about what age you should be having babies and do what you want. P.S I’m 33 and have a 14 yr old, 5 year old and a newly turned 1 yr old.