Reply to I need perspective dealing with infertile friend.

I can talk about it from your friend’s perspective since I was not able to have children of my own (I’m raising my 4 year old niece who we hope to adopt soon). When my friends started having babies I tried so hard to be happy for them and attend all baby related activities. But the pain just got worse and worse through every failed attempt. I was so, so jealous I just couldn’t stand it. I was consumed with anger and jealousy that i couldn’t stand to see pregnant strangers let alone my friends. Also my husband and I lost all our friends because their lives revolved around their children and we just couldn’t relate. I believe your friend truly wants to continue with the friendship but her pain is just so great right now she can’t see beyond it. Talk to her and ask her what you can do to help. Don’t tell her to look past her pain because just as your child takes your full attention our lack of children fills our lives. I know I would think I was okay being without children but then something would trigger my loss and I’d again retreat away from children. Be gentle with her. Don’t stop being a friend. I know the door gets slammed in your face so to speak but just imagine your life with no children when that’s all you’ve ever wanted. Send her a card in the mail telling her you want to be there for her. Listen to her and her pain. Maybe if she knows you truly want to be involved in her life she will open up and as time goes on she will love to see and hear all about your child.