I think this is a normal complaint. My husband tried to help but didn't truely "get it" until I started a new role at work where I work 12+ hours on the days that I am there. When I am there, I am essentially unavailable and my husband is on his own... when I come home, I eat and basically have to go straight to bed. I CANNOT go to work over exhausted because my work is very dangerous; we both work for the same Steel Mill so he fully "gets" my work life. My husband now alternates who does the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. He talks to the daycare instead of expecting me to do it. He takes our kid to museums and makes sure he is fed relatively nutritious meals at appropriate intervals. He does laundry and other chores that need to be done without asking. My experience isn't really helpful, but it does demonstrate the disparity that exists: in order for my generally well meaning husband to truely become my partner, I had to take an extremely taxing, dangerous job (which I love, by the way) that he jokes makes me "the man". It shouldn't take this. As far as the hosting/helping thing: we basically stopped hosting anyone except family because I just can't physically do it anymore. When he host family, hubs cooks and plans and I generally end up cleaning up. At gatherings, I help out a little and then go hang out with who I want. Life is too short to obey bullshit, unfair social norms.
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