Posted in Behavior, Pre-Teens
Anonymous

Anyone with a 13 yr old? My daughter seems to be a little moody and packing a lot of attitude towards everyone in the household. I’ve talked to her, l’ve yelled at her, taken her phone until she fixes her attitude, I have no idea what else to do since it hasn’t done anything.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 23, 2018

    Hoo boy yeah it's just beginning. Dunno if she has cycled yet but that adds a LOT of drama to everything. Just a few things to remember. One, it's TOTALLY NORMAL. This is part of becoming an adult, she's just trying to explore her independence and individuality. You may remember that 3-4 year olds could be like that too ("threenager") and it's actually exactly the same brain-growing process, just... she's a lot bigger now. Two, don't try to be her friend. She's still a child even though she wants to feel like an adult. She still needs you to be the parent. That means you decide the boundaries and structure of her life and you enforce them. Pick your battles — nagging her about every possible thing is likely to wear you both down — but draw clear lines and be consistent. It will result in more confrontation in the short term but in the long term she will feel safer and more confident knowing that you are keeper her on track during a really crazy, scary time in her development. If she crosses the line, give her less independence, such as grounding her or keeping her home from a social event. I've found this works better than taking away phone/TV etc. On the flip side, more independence is a great reward for good behavior (maybe give her two tickets to see a movie of her choice with a friend). Hang in there! It does get better... eventually.

  • Teresa
    Mar 23, 2018

    These are really tough times for our kids, our daughters especially. Even tho they make it so hard, try to be more understanding than ever. I always found that ignoring their attitude and making them laugh about something random to pull them out of feeling bad worked best. Don’t be annoying but change or divert a big argument to alleviate some of the tension. Their attitude is usually a sign of some internal unrest. I’m not saying letting them get away with disrespect... but help them before it gets to that point.

  • Ray Perry
    Mar 23, 2018

    I can speak for the threenager”

  • Shannon
    Mar 24, 2018

    Oh yes! Dealing with is as well. Started at 12 and now she is 13. Post by anonymous pretty much sums it up. Hang in there! It’s a tough age for any child, and make sure there is nothing going on at school. Our child was getting bullied and there were some other issues... but sometimes I notice it’s really hard to get her to open up. However, eventually she does. Pick your battles and follow through with punishments. She may “hate” you for it now, but will respect and love you all the same later down the road!

  • Sandeep
    Apr 03, 2018

    My daughter turned 12 in December and I'm in the same boat.

  • Noelle
    Apr 21, 2018

    My child is 13 and if there is one thing I’ve found out is that taking her phone makes everything worse. My daughter doesn’t like or trust any adult so she normally goes to her phone to vent.

  • Cecilya
    Apr 26, 2018

    I have a 17 yr old and I KNOW. I try to put myself in her shoes before I react to anything these days. It’s been a long couple of years but....she really is starting to loosen up and she’s not AS moody as she’s been in the past. One thing I’ve realized is that I HAVE to dive in there and talk about all that annoying teenager crap going on at school with her. She’s got to where she’ll sit down and just start telling me about her life with a little prompting and she feels better after, but this took so long. Sometimes I had to “MAKE” her talk to me when I saw she was clearly upset, sometimes it didn’t work but it let her know I cared and I was there waiting for her and she did come around a lot of the time when I didn’t expect her too. I did have to let her know it’s NOT okay to walk around like that and be rude to people, that whatever she had to do to feel better, more relaxed and get along with her family, do it, or ask for help, sometimes she listened, sometimes I took that phone. Heck, sometimes she NEEDED a break from her phone that she wouldn’t give herself. There is SO much crap they have to deal with at school nowadays, it’s a lot. They all feel like “the only one”. You need girl time with her to bond. Sometimes she would completely ruin girl time with her attitude but sometimes it was great. We made some great memories among the mess of her teenage years. I agree with the other post, all great advice and hard won trade secrets. Just....breathe.