I would suggest not really saying much. My mother in law also just recently passed away- in August, anyway, I just kinda let her do her thing, and then if my son acted up later when we got home trying to get away with the same things that he was able to get away with with Grandma, I just explain to him in a very calm tone- “I understand that it’s okay to act that way at Grandmas, and she’s okay with that. But this is mommy’s home and mommy’s rules and this is how I expect it to be. Please use your manners” and carry on! Children are extremely adaptable to knowing what is acceptable where. For instance, If you were in a divorce situation you’d explain and expect certain things that your child must accept and addapt to which would be different than maybe daddy might do it. I kinda of look at things that way, and use it to explain, set my standards and move forward. It’s going to take some reminding and maybe a correction or two for them to adjust to what’s acceptable where, but that will get better each time, and the more you establish boundaries - whether it results in a melt down or not, you’re ultimately the adult and mom, and you get to decide and expect the standards you expect your child to live by. I wouldn’t limit too much time with the grandparents, your Fiancé has a point in that asspect- granted I never let my better half know he’s right either- but, all that said, she’s not going to be around as long as we will look back and wish she could have been! Remember behavior can be fixed, memories on the other hand are irreplaceable!!
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