Anonymous

Baby shower

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for awhile. We have over time gathered a lot. Like most things. But I still want a baby shower when the time comes. This was brought up at a get together. I was chewed out by multiple people that it was dumb and unnecessary. That a baby shower is for people who need things. I wouldn’t like make a registry or anything or expect a gift. But I would love to get showered with love from friends and family and celebrate a happy time together. I felt really embarrassed. But I stand by that you can have a baby shower whether you need or want more baby stuff. I just want to see others views. Also just vent.

  • Alisa
    Oct 14

    I have three children 17, 6 and 1 year. I didn't think I deserved a shower cause three kids=no baby shower... However my friends they took it upon themselves to throw me a surprise shower. Real friends and loving family don't give you crap about feeling like you deserve to be loved and for wanting to celebrate a new life... If said multiple people "chewed" you out for simply inquiring about a shower then they kind of suck especially knowing how hard and long of a journey trying to conceive has been. And if all else fails state clearly on the invitations to "come celebrate the new life" and "gifts are not necessary" or just state you prefer in lue of gifts make a donation to a charity in the baby's name.

  • Lulu
    Oct 14

    Psh people can be such a$$es. Don't be afraid to do what you want. You can't rely on others these days. No one has the "village" mentality anymore. These days people are so selfish. Celebrate that baby! You deserve it. Throw your own shower and invite the people who are happy for you!

  • JJ
    Oct 14

    I never did baby showers for any of my kids because I hate stuff like that. I hate getting presents, I hate being the center of attention, and I hate putting other people out. This really pissed my family off but I never cared. This is your choice entirely. If you want a shower, have one. You don’t even have to call it a shower. Just call it a mommy party. You also don’t have to justify your decisions to a god damn soul. Don’t do presents if you’re all set (I had my family either contribute to college funds or donate gifts to the shelter, babies also need very little). Just have a fun blow out party with your closest peeps. Do it up big. Do it for yourself if it’s that important to you. But most importantly, as a parent, you need to learn not to give a flying f*ck what anyone else thinks of you or how you live your life or raise your children. Those people judge because they’re miserable curmudgeons. Do not waste your time or energy on them. I repeat... do not.

  • Megan
    Oct 14

    I love celebrating babies. All babies. First babies, 5th babies, a shower, a sprinkle, a sip-n-see, I’ll always show up because it’s a huge, life altering experience and I love being there for my friends and family. Don’t need baby stuff? I’ll bring you some wine, a gift certificate for a pedicure, well wishes and promises of food once your baby is born, WHATEVER. I don’t need anything for our second and no one has offered to throw us anything, but we 100 % plan on celebrating becoming a family of 4. I had a momentary thought that people would roll their eyes since my son is only 14 months and we just did this, but they can NOT COME.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 14

    Gee Megan I want you as a friend!

  • Lulu
    Oct 14

    Lol me too

  • Megan
    Oct 14

    Our friends have been equally good to us 😊 And I meant I’d bring, like one of those things. PICK ONE 😂

  • Lulu
    Oct 14

    Either way Megan, good friends like that are hard to find. You're one in a million!

  • Cassi
    Oct 14

    Call it a baby celebration instead. You deserve to be able to celebrate when you have been trying for so long!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 14

    That was brought up cassi. I was told it didn’t matter what I called it. It was selfish to even make people gather for me. It was just crazy. I fully intend on funding and throwing it myself. I did my first baby shower. (Another point that was brought up: I needed things (like I was low on money with my first one) now that I’m capable of buying everything it was just flat out dumb. Idk I still intend on having one I already told them if they didn’t want to come they didn’t have to. I intend on putting “gifts welcome but aren’t necessary” on invites. My husband had the idea of doing a diaper raffle instead. Cause you can’t go wrong with diapers and most people won’t say you don’t need those. But I don’t know. We still have to think about it. It just enraged me because everyone deserves to be celebrated I don’t care if it’s your 20th kid, Rich, poor, what language you speak, how old you are. Being a mom is so special and it’s hard work! So a day to celebrate with everyone isn’t a lot to ask for in my opinion.

  • Cassi
    Oct 14

    You definitely deserve more positivity. Throw whatever party you want and if anyone has anything negative to say just tell them that you weren’t going to invite them anyway. Positive people only to celebrate a new life.

  • Megan
    Oct 15

    You should tell them that you think it’s really selfish to even have everyone gather for their birthday since they just did it 364 days ago and they already have everything they need. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    That’s a good point Megan! I always get them stuff or take them out to eat for their birthday. Guess what’s not happening anymore! It just really aggravates me. It was really close friends to. at least I thought they were close. I’ve known one of them since kindergarten. We had are kids days apart. We spent almost everyday together. She’s watch me fall apart because of my struggles getting pregnant. It just hurts to think someone that close to me could turn around and call me selfish and put me down so much. My husband thinks she was just going with the crowd. I don’t think he understands best friends shouldn’t do that. I think that’s the main reason I’m still so upset. The other people are whatever. They are friends but not like she was. I’ll get over it.

  • Lulu
    Oct 15

    Imho if it's one person getting you down, I'm pro communication. Ask her, point blank, why she said that. It may help you.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    I did already she just hammered down more. On how selfish and dumb it is to have one when everyone already went to my daughters (she’s 3) I explained how I didn’t expect gifts. She said it’s even more stupid then. So I just have to except that she doesn’t agree and move on. The whole situation was irritating. That just hurt the most. This big ordeal was made at a big get together so the people who weren’t involved were staring. It was just embarrassing. Really got under my skin. I keep dwelling on it even though I don’t want to. I kinda just stood there and got attacked verbally by 10 different people. I wasn’t rude or anything. A friend handed out her invites (she wasn’t one of the people who went for me). And I said wow these are so Cute I can’t wait to do mine it’s going to be so much fun! And everyone started chiming in on how I was just outrageous. And were snickering at me. Someone even said it was bad enough I had one as a teen mom now I’m having one as a young mom and it was just all bad I shouldn’t put myself through that again. It was just a lot and just so embarrassing. It’s been hard to put behind me. It just was so much so fast. What’s really funny is I threw 4 of their showers for them and bought them what ask for.

  • Lulu
    Oct 15

    Wow. It sounds like you were really scarred by the experience. I'm very sorry. I wish that hadn't happened to you. I, for one, am excited about your baby!! If I was there, I would totally attend your party. I would definitely work on cutting those people out of my life and think about making some new friends!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    Thank you. Reading the nice comments is definitely helping. For awhile there I was really thinking I was doing something wrong.

  • Lulu
    Oct 15

    I think the only thing you're doing wrong is sticking around those horrendous people and taking their actions to heart. Cut those ties and let it go! If you need to talk about it, get the Wysa app. It is like an interactive journal. I love it, it gets me through so much negativity I receive from others!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    I’ll give that a shot! Thank you! And you are right I do just need to let it go and move on