Anonymous

Best time to start trying for a baby?

In your experience, what is the best age to start? My husband and I are 24 and thinking about trying soon. But of course, we’re scared! Feel free to add details about your experience!

  • Christina
    Dec 03

    Are you both ready to give up the option of sleeping in on the weekends?

  • Kieli
    Dec 03

    Are you guys financially stable? Is your housing situation stable? Do you have help near you? Are you ready for emotions to be literally like a roller coaster (assuming you will be carrying the baby)? Do you have a plan for going back to work, or staying home after baby? If you do plan on going back to work what is their maternity leave like? Lots of things to consider. My husband and I have moved about 5 times since our 1 yr old was born. It is 100xs more stressful with a baby/toddler. There were times were money wasn’t coming in. I’m in a situation right now where my family isn’t super close so it’s harder for me and my husband to have stable help for date nights and stuff. When I had my daughter I had to go back to work after only 7 weeks. I could have stayed out longer, but unpaid. I absolutely love my daughter, she was not planned and I wish I would have waited until all these things were figured out for me.

  • Lily
    Dec 03

    Best time, there is no best time! My husband and I got married when I was 18, and we had our first when I was 19. We both have always always wanted kids!!! So it was right for us, but you do give up a lot. But for us it is totally worth it! I love being a young mom. We are both in school still and love having a family. Everyone is different, but I support you wanting to be a young mom because it is awesome! Also after 30 your fertility goes way down.....so if you are ready now. Go for it!

  • antigrav_kids
    Dec 03

    We were really lucky in that it took awhile to get pregnant the first time. While we waited we talked and talked and talked about how we saw parenting, what we thought we'd do with the kids, what roles and how much of them each of us would play, what we thought about interactions with our families and so on. We still wound up finding our way, of course, but it was really nice to have fewer surprises. Things you might want to discuss include Hospital or homebirthing Cloth or plastic diapers Who will help with the birth, how, and how much, basically how you want every aspect of the birth to go and what you plan on happening. Co-sleeping or sleep training Breastfeeding or not (if you do breastfeed, get a pump and nipple Shields in advance) How clean each of you likes the house to be and how you'll share that. Stroller or babywearing Weaning/diet How independent you see the kids being as they grow. How you'll find time for each other. How you'll try to discuss things when you disagree. And lots of other stuff ☺️ Also, remember to enjoy it all!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    I agree, there is no best time. Just make sure you and your partner want to have babies. The first year is a struggle, no matter how old you are. But you soon start to enjoy your lil one. I had mine at 35, needed to go through fertility treatment, and think may be I should have tried earlier, maybe late 20s, when I was financially alright. Good luck with whatever you decide

  • Cathy
    Dec 03

    You will never be ready. Ever. My son is almost two and I’m still not ready 😂😂. BUT - if you have some time - make sure you have some money saved up and decide if you want to stay at home or be a working Mom. You’ve got to budget the cost of child care (here in GA it’s $1XXX-XXXX a MONTH) for full time child care versus the cost of being on one income. Also, be realistic about the newborn days and weeks. They will truly drain you, your marriage and the ability to even make sense. Make sure your marriage is in a good place. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    My husband and I made a check list of what we thought needed to be done in our lives separately and then together as a couple. My list was things like, graduating college, having our savings account to a certain number, having health insurance situated. Just stuff like that. I always told myself I wanted to have a baby before I was 25 and I had him at 23! It was perfect for us.... nooooow trying to figure out when to have number 2! Like everyone says there’s no right or wrong. If you both can say 100% yes we want this then go for it! If your 90% and your husband is 100% then it’s not the time. Maybe if you’re too stressed about an exact time just get off bc and condoms and let it happen when it does! Good luck!

  • Sarah
    Dec 03

    I personally don’t believe there is a “best time” You’ll know when your ready type thing - if you think you are ready I’m guessing you are!

  • Ivy
    Dec 03

    Family planning is great, but in my experience, it doesn’t matter when you have children. I always wanted children when I was younger, like my mom. By the time I was out the house, she wasn’t even 40 yet (I joke that she could’ve had her freedom back if she stopped at me, lol) But I wasn’t able to have children the first few years of my marriage because of multiple miscarriages. Now I’m 25, and have a third on the way (I got married at 18) and we’re happy with 3. At least 3 biological kids, and will be sterilizing... I would say, since you and your husband are actually talking about it, it obviously doesn’t hurt to weight the costs and sacrifices. The most important thing to me, is a loving marriage. Finances can change, housing and emotions can change, but the most important thing is having a solid foundation in your marriage. Just remember, no family is the same. Some parents morphe their identity after having kids while other parents remain pretty much the same. In my experience, my husband and I have always been chill home bodies and only occasionally go out. Having kids didn’t limit us much from going out, since it wasn’t our lifestyle. A friend of ours travel a lot and having kids also didn’t limit their family from doing such. Their life looks like an amazing journey all the time! Others friends have done a complete 180, and have chosen to sacrifice their old lifestyle for a new one. Key word, chosen. It’s not easy being a parent in any of our cases, but keep in communication and when the baby comes, you won’t have been fully prepared, but you’ll be fully prepared to love and care for the kiddo because you and your spouse have loved one another enough to make him/her. That’s the love that carries you through parenting

  • Kate
    Dec 03

    I agree that it’s a very individual decision. The one piece of advice I offer on this subject is to get some diagnostic testing done for both you and your partner to really know your chances of conceiving. Diagnostics are typically covered by insurance, but check to be sure. I’m 35. It took us 3 years and fertility treatments to have our first, and I’m currently 33 weeks along with a surprise #2. That said, the challenges we had conceiving gave us more time to travel and for me to advance in my career, so while I wouldn’t change anything, I remember wishing we’d had the diagnostic results sooner so we could have made a more informed decision.

  • Birdie
    Dec 03

    I got pregnant at 30 after two months off of birth control, which I had been on for 13 years. She was a surprise and I definitely wasn’t ready. A part of me does wish I had had kids sooner but I’m also really happy that I took my entire 20s for myself. I got to learn who I truly was so now after having a child I know who I still can be. I think 30 was the perfect age for me. As a mom you get wrapped up in your child’s life that you can lose yourself. Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter, but I need other things in life that bring me joy, that only I can give myself. When I neglected those other parts that make me who I am, I become angry, mean, depressed. I truly love to take care of others but I learned that the best way to take care of others is to make sure I take care of myself to. That was something that I didn’t learn until after I had my daughter.

  • Polli
    Dec 04

    The only thing I can add to the advice you’ve already gotten, is make sure your mental health is taken care of before trying and think about how many you want. Every couple knows their right time, I’m 28 and my boy is turning 4 months this week. We only wanted one child and last year turned out to be the right time for us to try and I wasn’t afraid of being too old for my child down the line. You have to think about how many you want because it might not be wise for you to wait until you’re 30 and then decide you always wanted 3 kids. Now as to your mental health, a baby takes a huge toll on you. Trying is hard if it takes a while to get pregnant and as couple you have to deal with that together. And you can plan to have a certain amount of money saved up and a certain housing situation, but aside from that with a pregnancy and newborn most of your plans can go out the window. Again knowing how to take that in stride and not freak out every time something doesn’t go like you thought is going to be what saves you during those first few weeks or months. This is beside the possibility of PPD, that’s another ball game. Your own maturity when you think about how you handle stress can be a big indicator of your readiness.

  • Carissa
    Dec 04

    Everyone is right when they say there is no right time. You will never be stable enough or have enough money or be completely ready for a baby BUT you can at least have a plan. Do you have insurance? Because medical bills will be expensive! What about daycare? Will one of you be staying home or do you have family near by? Daycare is crazy expensive so you’ll need to make sure you can afford it. My MIL and my mom take turns watching the baby on days my husband and I both work. Do you and your husband have a good marriage? Because no sleep and a crying baby will absolutely test your marriage. That’s been the hardest part for us. We always had time for each other and really had a good marriage before baby. Now I’m too tired and my hormones are messed up and we just have a harder time making time for each other which causes more fights. I’m not saying we’re not good, I’m just saying to make sure you are both in a good place with each other before you bring a life into the mix or things will just get worse. A baby will not help/fix anything. Good luck in your decision!