Reply to Does anyone have advice for a step-mom? I’m struggling with giving my step-da...
Anonymous

Well, I did it it went well. My other half and myself decided it would be best to send the mother a txt to inform her of our actions. This is what we sent her. “**notice this is a group text** This text is coming to you as a curtsey to you, to keep you updated as to what we have discussed and come to an agreement on for the developing needs of your daughter. **This is not a message that is sent to upset you, or make you feel inadequate, in any way, shape or form. This is purely for the well-being and healthy development of the kids. Your daughter came to me a couple of weeks back while we were shopping at Walmart, and asked if I could buy her deodorant because she noticed she has started to be stinky. I told her sure, and she chose to get a trial size to test it out. The next day I bought her a regular size and asked her to take the small one home and to ask her mother to buy her deodorant on a regular basis for her house as well. She has forgot, but this morning she packed it in her backpack. Heads-up, a request will be coming to you soon. We had already been buying books for both of the kids regarding growing up an puberty. They have been really good about asking us questions and for advice. We are very grateful that the kids feel they can ask questions, that often are embarrassing and confusing. We have encouraged your son that if he needs to do anything hygiene related (he has requested on a couple of mornings to take a shower, I’m sure you can guess why) to just do it, that he does not need to ask. We have noticed over the last 2 months that your daughter is rapidly developing. After we attended your sons recent trumpet recital, I noticed when your daughter was running around with her classmates, that most, if not all the girls were wearing bras. Your daughter for about 2 months or more has been budding and her nipples are noticeable through her clothes. We were hoping you would notice and take action. After more than 2 months had passed we decided to not wait and to take action for ourselves. We felt that we didn’t want your daughter to get teased for not wearing one or for showing. We researched young girls bras, and purchased some very comfortable, soft bras. Two beige for everyday wear, and a white racer back “lounging” bra to wear when lounging at home with the family. Last night I, by myself sat down with your daughter and I told her that her Dad and I had noticed she’s growing up quickly. I said that I noticed she’s starting to develop, and that since she told me about how you had informed her that you were an early bloomer, that more than likely she would bloom early too, I wanted to know what her thoughts were about bras, and if she felt she needed one, because I noticed all her classmates were wearing bras. She told me that she really wanted to try one, so I presented her with a gift. I tried to make it feel special for her, and ultimately, she was very pleased. She did not wear one today, nor has she tried them on yet. We ask that you purchase some for your home, so this way we don’t lose our bras to your house. Nor do we believe that she should only wear bras when she is in our care and not wear anything when in your care. We would like a healthy balance for your daughter between both of our homes. I also let your daughter know, that if she ever has girl questions she can ask me anything, and nothing is too embarrassing. As well that if she is comfortable talking to her dad about girl stuff, he is open to it, but if she would rather talk to me or to mom, that’s ok too, do what you are comfortable with, and to never withhold it, to always ask an adult. We hope that you feel you can jump on board with us to make this transition for your daughter as smooth as possible. We know she would like support from the three of us united. ***As said above, This is purely for the well-being and healthy development of the kids, nothing else.” Do you like how I have to state that this is not an attack on her or her character? We still have not herd anything!!! She’s either sitting there stewing on it... or she’s about to attack...I’m just waiting! Last time we had it out, it took her two days before she responded! Who knows! Who knows! 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄