Can’t discipline my toddler
I grew up with a very strict single parent, who was also very loving, playful and kind, so I knew my boundaries from a young age, knew I was loved and very much imagined I’d pass this down to my own kids. My partner’s experience of both his parents was very different: inconsistent, angry and irrationally strict without clear boundaries, affection or (IMO) love. Until today, I really like my inlaws, who are lovely to me, but I see how they struggle to express love towards my partner and his sibling. Now, with our own toddler (2.5 years), my ‘no’s are usually broken, e.g., ‘no biscuit after brushing your teeth’ but then she will cry (I’ll know it’s not a hungry cry but a bedtime delay tactic one) and her father will come to rescue her into the kitchen for a biscuit. Screen time, table manners, P&Qs etc. My partner and I have a difficult relationship, so real effective discussion is rare with us. I usually have to wait for him to learn the hard way, or give up and delegate to me, eg, bath times and bedtimes. I sense deep inside I’m giving up. Our toddler is amazing. I adore her. She also listens to sense- i don’t overly rationalise but she really listens to reasons why we need to wear our coats out or not get two toys instead of one etc. She is a different person with me though. I know she plays up a lot more with my partner, mostly because IMO she knows she can get away with a lot. We also have a 13 month old. I worry as he’s already mimicking actions from his older sister, like throwing toys, shouting, pushing etc. What can I do?