Chore sharing

I need to know how everyone else divies up the chores. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works (but not full time). He is responsible for mowing the lawn...that's it. The rest is on me. We have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. He won't even put the 2 year old to bed and he has never given either of them a bath. So, at bed time, it's always so hectic because no matter who I try to get to bed first, the other one always needs me. So, sometimes I'm holding a screaming baby while bathing, changing, reading/singling to and tucking in a toddler. Is that just the way it is? Or is my hubby kind of a jerk because while I'm doing that he's down stairs with his feet up, watching TV and playing video games.

  • Shauna
    Oct 28, 2018

    Ask him to help with the night time routine with the toddler or the baby of his choosing.

  • Victoria
    Oct 28, 2018

    I have asked him repeatedly, he says it's not his job and it was my choice to be a SAHM, even on days he's done absolutely nothing but lounge around and watch tv

  • JJ
    Oct 28, 2018

    No, it’s not just the way it is and that shit wouldn’t fly in my house.

  • JJ
    Oct 28, 2018

    It was his choice to be a parent, plus he’s a grown ass man. I would tell him to get his act together or send him back to his mama and daddy, because obviously they didn’t finish raising him.

  • Shauna
    Oct 28, 2018

    Please remind your adult child that it is both PARENTS duty to take care of the children both persons wanted in this world then after that remind them what the word NIGHT means then ask them again. SAHM doesn't mean doing everything on your own. Tf

  • B
    Oct 28, 2018

    Sahm means you do the work during the daytime. That’s a full time job. At night you two split the work. Tell him this isn’t the 1950s and he needs to help parent. Find out how much childcare would cost and tell him that’s what you’re saving the family. No way that would last in my house. I’d go back to work first to prove the point if needed. Or go out and leave him with the kids for a full day when he isn’t working and see how that works out. But I’m petty like that.

  • Myrtle
    Oct 30, 2018

    That’s terrible! I work 1 to 2 days a week but I’m home with the kids most of the time. On the days I am home with the kids,My husband helps me when he gets home from work in the evenings.we split the child care duties but which ever one of us did not go to work (by go to work I mean left the house to go do a job)that day is responsible for all the dishes, sweeping and general picking up the toys for that day.

  • Jenn
    Oct 30, 2018

    I would focus on what is and is not working for you, instead of what he NEEDS to be doing. That way maybe you can prevent him from going on the defensive right away. Every relationship is obviously very different so what works for one might not work for another, but I’d like to think that your husband can learn to feel empowered as a dad and a supportive partner. The way you describe your situation would definitely be a deal breaker for me. I would highly suggest finding a marriage and family therapist and taking up the issue in therapy. It seems your husband has some deep rooted beliefs that don’t meld with your reality. On a bedtime note... skip bath. Bath time can happen any other time of the day... and is not necessary daily. I’d do teeth, potty/diaper, jammies, read, cuddle or sing, 15 mins-done! At least that’s my goal. When my hubby is out of town for work, I do both kiddos at the same time. Best of luck to you mama! You got this!

  • Kat
    Oct 30, 2018

    I could’ve written this post myself. I totally empathize with you. Unfortunately, as I’m in the same situation I can offer no advice, except stay strong. Also, I’m sure your decision to be a SAHM wasn’t one sided and you’re doing it for your children. If he can’t appreciate that, then maybe he should find a more suitable situation for himself. The cost of daycare alone exceeds what I would make at a good government job, including benefits. I don’t want to pay some stranger to raise my children just so I can leave the house every day. Some men just don’t get it.

  • becky
    Oct 31, 2018

    I want to start by saying that any changes take time. My husband now does the dishes every other night, makes dinner and does dishes on the weekends, bathes our son, and puts him to bed every night. It took several sit downs to get here but it was worth it. I let it be known that if I was exhausted from doing everything that I was not going to be a good person to be around. If I have to do everything then there is no need for another person to be around:) You seem genuinely upset, which you should be. Your situation is not typical. You should not feel the way you do. You are an amazing mom who just wants a partner to raise her kids with. Not to much to ask.

  • Sally
    Nov 01, 2018

    He should be more supportive and help you regardless is he works. My husband works 6 days a week & still helps me a lot!! My husband has always been supportive and helpful. He gives baths, helps clean the house, changes diapers, puts clothes on, etc.. he never complains either because he knows it’s 50/50 no I don’t ask him to do this all the time but when I do he ALWAYS helps no matter how tired he is and never complains!! Try talking with him and just let your feelings out to him that’s really the only advice I know he should step up and help you no matter what!!

  • JJ
    Nov 01, 2018

    I would like to point out that he’s not “helping you”.... it’s called being a grown up and being responsible. He would be helping YOU if he was painting your toe nails or carrying your purse or something of that nature. You share children and a household. These are duties that any adult should be performing without having to be asked or rewarded.

  • Brittany
    Nov 10, 2018

    I am currently at a middle stage to this but it started exActly the same for me. I felt like I wrote this post myself. Right now I can say it is getting better. We are 7 years into our relationship with a 5yr old and a 2 yr old. He was off playing games watching tv whatever while I dealt with pregnancy alone including all appointments. It has taken many years and talks. The main thing I kept in all of our talks is how much I miss him. How much I want us to work but that he was causing me so much pain. I kept diaries when I was prego and even a little after with the newborn experiance. I wrote the good things and the bad. When he read those is when change started in our house. He realized what he had not only caused me but also what he had missed in being an absent parent. I think that is what really hit home with him and we are well into two kids into this journey. Its not going really well but is much better than before. I have plenty of hope that will continue to get better in the future.