Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Sex

Differences in sexual desire?

Anonymous

My husband and I have always been a little switched from the stereotypical couple. I’m the one who constantly wants sex, and my husband doesn’t feel that it’s as important as other things in a marriage. In my personal opinion, a sexless marriage isn’t a marriage. For me, sex is a way to gauge how we are as a couple. If things are good, and we are communicating well and relatively content, we are having lots of sex. If things aren’t great, the opposite happens. He says for him, talking and cuddling are more important for him to feel close to me, for me, it’s sex. I’m not saying he never wants sex. But how do I make him see that it’s just as important to me as talking with one another and spending time with each other? We just seem to be doing an awful lot of TALKING lately. The spark didn’t go away after baby until now. And he’s 8 months old now. As far as I can tell, my husband just doesn’t really want sex anymore, and that’s a pretty big blow to my self-esteem and our relationship in general. He may feel like everything is fine, but I certainly don’t. We’ve talked about it, but I don’t think he really sees what’s happened the last few weeks.

  • Anonymous
    Apr 12

    Your husband not wanting sex is not directly reflective of you. I dealt with this with my husband and we are both young. I’m 27 and he’s 29. I want to have sex constantly and he just doesn’t. And that’s ok. At first I took it personally until I really tried to cope and understand his side. Women feel like men should have large sex drives and be ready whenever we are but the reality is a lot of men aren’t that way.

  • Anonymous
    Apr 12

    We are the same way.. I have a higher sex drive than my husband’s. I used to get frustrated with my husband if we didn’t have sex at least twice a week. I don’t expect him to have the energy for it during his work week since he has a strenuous job. But let’s back up a bit and look back at what you said.. a “sexless marriage isn’t a marriage at all.” Are you guys not having sex at all? Sex is a factor in a marriage but I would try to shift the thought of frequency of being the gauge of a good marriage to the quality of the sex. Quality > quantity. When you really love and care about someone, the sex is just better right? Try to find a compromise. How many times do you want to have sex/month? How many times does he? Try to meet in the middle. Tell him exactly what you wrote in this post.. how does he respond? Tell him that your self esteem has been down because of all this.. how does he respond? Also, I have an app tracking my period that also tracks my fertility windows. It allows me to track when we have sex too. Some times I’ll tell my husband our stats because he loses track of his days and how long it’s been since we last had sex. Maybe that will help him see the change? Ask him what’s going on in his life, work... does he have something on his mind or stress somewhere that you don’t realize?

  • jxn8tors
    Apr 12

    Have his testosterone checked.

  • Lily
    May 09

    Agree with jxn8tors, have him get his testosterone checked. My husband was only 21 and his was really low.....never really wanted sex. Now it is normal and sex drive is up