Anonymous

Don’t feel as bonded to second baby

Anyone not feel as bonded to their second baby? I was obsessed and thought she was the cutest baby with my first daughter from the moment she was born (she’s 2 years old now). Since bringing home my second (she’s 2 weeks old) I just don’t feel that same emotion as I did with the first. I am definitely not depressed- I’m otherwise totally fine (a bit overwhelmed having 2 but that’s natural). I love her but don’t feel those same intense feelings I felt about my first.

  • Kieli
    Jun 21

    I felt that way too. She’s now 7 weeks, and staying awake more. I now feel more connected to her as I spend more time with her awake. I read somewhere (may have been on here) that it’s normal not to feel connected right away, it’s like a stranger that you just brought home. You are going to have to get to know that person.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 22

    I didn’t feel connected with my first for a while, I imagine you are feeling the same way I did. I was just like soooooooo...... but my feelings did grow as time went on and like kieli said, as he was awake longer and smiled at me and things like that. I don’t know if it’s “normal” but to me it made sense, I couldn’t love something I didn’t know!

  • Anonymous
    Jun 22

    I felt the exact same way! My second one is now 20 months old and I feel just bonded to her as my first. Definitely takes more time because you are dividing your time between two children now. Another one of my friends had the same experience and I think most people do but are too afraid/feel too guilty to express it. Thanks for having the courage to post about this issue I think it needs more awareness!

  • Sara
    Jun 24

    I definitely felt that way in the beginning with my second. I literally thought to myself "I will love her and take care of her because she is my responsibility now, but I don't feel as close to her and I don't think she's cute" It was a very strange feeling. I felt like I was just like watching someone else's baby. Anyway that baby is now 13 months old and I honestly could not possibly love her more. I love both my girls equally and when I look back at baby pics now I think my second daughter was just the cutest baby so I don't know why I felt so removed/distant at first. In retrospect, I do think there was a hormonal issue going on. I was not depressed the second time around but did definitely have some hormonal thing happening that made it take some time to bond with my second daughter. So all I can say is don't worry -- you will get there! Just give it time.

  • Liza M.
    Jun 24

    I am about to have my 2nd and have been wondering about this. It seems impossible that one could love ANOTHER baby as much as the first. I spend so much time and energy all day every day with my first born and I am already mourning the loss of that special time. Intellectually I know that it bringing multiple children into the world, while challenging, brings altogether different gifts and joy than having one (not saying either is better) but it is hard to imagine.

  • Cocos
    Jun 24

    I don’t feel “bonded” and mines three years old. Love him don’t get me wrong would die for him but would do the same for my niece or nephews. I don’t know that I should feel differently or anything but some of the ladies at my work cry because they are away from there kids. Idk

  • Megan
    Jul 01

    With my first I didn’t feel bonded for the longest time! I’ve always wanted to be a mom and thought it would come so much more natural than it did... but it took time. I think for me it was more just transitioning into being a mom and the entire mindset. But once I got it, I had it immediately for my second born. Immediately bonded in a way I didn’t with my first. Again may have just been now I know how to be a mom. Buuut with my second as much as I love him, the bond with my daughter is sooo strong and with my son it’s just not that strong yet. We had our daughter only for a year and a half so it was such a strong bond and with our second there isn’t really that alone time with him. I try to have alone time with each of them when possible and that has helped. I’m sure with time the bond will grow stronger.

  • Anna
    Jul 04

    I didn’t feel as bonded with my first, but I also experienced a lot of trauma, PPD, and anxiety-but in my case, I don’t think I realized it until much later. How was your birth? Was it traumatic at all? I think sometimes that has something to do with it. As you probably remember, the newborn stage is very overwhelming. Also, was your first a good sleeper? My first was horrible at sleeping from birth and didn’t get better for quite a while, while my second was a bit better. But the short answer is yes, it’s totally normal and okay to not feel as bonded. For some people it simply takes time, for some, like me, I love my daughter to pieces, but I am ultimately more bonded with my 2nd, when I’m truthful about it. Just try to do your best to have empathy for this little human, know that they were just brought into the world, and it’s your job to help them (as I’m sure you are doing so well already). How you feel about it will settle eventually as they grow.