Warning.. a long post. My husband works in law enforcement. The first couple of years he would refuse to have one drink even at dinner during his work week. When we were dating this was his rule as well as after we got married - so marriage didn’t change a thing. This was just his rule and I respected his choice (even though I think the occasional drink with your significant other at dinner is not a big deal). He took his job really seriously. Within the past couple of months that zero drink rule changed. He was drinking 1-2 beers about 3 week nights a week on top of our usual going out on the weekend for social drinking with friends (he would drink 3-4 then). I asked him about it and it turns out that he was stress drinking. This is something that I didn’t want to become a habit and suggested other stress relievers like communicating with your wife, family or friends, or going on a walk with us (90% of the time he will refuse to walk with us). He did better for a couple of weeks but just recently he is starting to drink again but this time it’s 3 beers and when I’m not paying attention (because I’m busy taking care of our toddler) or not around (ie. Meeting up with coworkers, friends or I just found out thanksgiving night when I went out with family and he said he just wanted to stay home to rest - he also had work the next day). I asked him about it again and he said it wasn’t stress and that he’s not an alcoholic. I don’t consider this alcoholism but it has to start growing somewhere right? I’m not an expert.. but people don’t just all of a sudden go from 0-100 right? I’m just having a hard time understanding how he could go from a strict rule to 3 drinks a night on week nights. And this only happened within a course of the past 4 months. I was happy that he was having the occasional dinner drink with me but when you’re drinking alone and behind your wife’s back, isn’t that a problem? I got upset with him last night because it finally got to me. A couple of weeks ago I caught a stomach bug and was in the bathroom every hour. At the time he just got a promotion. In the middle of the night he checked on me and instead of offering to call in sick to work to help look after our toddler so I could get better he said, “I’m not calling in sick.” First off, I didn’t even ask him to. I figured I could get by the day with entertaining our toddler with tv. And second, I knew how much this promotion meant to him so I didn’t want to mess it up. So this told me that he still cared about his job... but then he is willing to go into his job breaking his strict rule and being extra tired the next day? Every time he drinks, the following day he is extra tired and lazy... every time. So when he comes home from work I get no help from him and he is complaining the entire time that he’s tired. It just really hurt me that his job meant more than the well being of his wife and child. But then does his job really mean that much to him that he is ok going into work not 100% when in the past that was super important to him too? He thinks I’m being unreasonable. Am I?