Oh boy momma. I'm sorry. You've got a hard road ahead. I've got some tips and they'll be hard if it's a big change for you. Start with a new routine. A regular routine that happens at the same time every night. Start putting kiddo to bed earlier. Since he's used to 9pm start putting him to bed a half hour earlier. Doing the same things in the same order. Bath (or not) teeth, hair, storytime, snuggles. We pick only two stories or if we're putting our kiddo to bed late we bring it down to one story. Snuggles are usually a little fun, we lay in the bed for about 10 minutes and then give ours a big hug and big kiss goodnight. And leave. But we've been doing this since she was 6mo. Talk to him about changing the routine. Tell him about going to bed and being a big kid and going to sleep all by himself. Get a noise machine, a fan, something that has a little noise. A night light of some kind that has warm yellow/orange light. Dinner needs to be the same time every night. We usually have it at 6 pm and we're starting our routine at 6:30 or 7. She's sometimes awake at 9 but usually she's asleep by 8pm. There might be crying, it's ok to soothe. But then he needs to learn that he's safe in his room all by himself. Tell him he's safe. Talk to him and explain. 3 years they're starting to understand. Good luck!
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