Anonymous

Family expectations from daycare

I work/study from home and needed some time during the week to focus on my work. So we found a 2 day a week home-based daycare situation with a 1:2 to 1:3 ratio that we pay $16/hr. Baby (9 months old) is a challenge to feed and doesn't nap on a schedule, but if you put finger food on the tray, he will eat the food by himself but it will take time and if you just let him play he will end up napping wherever. I understand how this may not be fully sustainable with daycare operations. We told the daycare during the interview and said they would help with it. Now that we started they did a 180 degree on us, and pretty much implied that we (and by we, they mean me the mom) needed to fix the eating and sleep issue or else. If we get the boot from this daycare, should I write off all daycares and focus on a nanny share only (it's been really tough making it work with other families' schedules, preferences, and nannies)? I am just wondering if daycare is only possible if your kid is eating and sleeping well on a schedule, and if not you are just out of luck? Update: Second day went better. It's been very edifying understanding the daycare perspective and the impact of regulation. I should probably have spent more time thinking about it ahead of time. Frankly, I had kind of written off the daycare option because of these issues, but this opening fell on our lap and when I saw the low ratio and they said they would help, I believed them, which clearly was foolish. As far as schedule, it's also super cultural because I come from Southern Europe, and kids do like regularity but we are definitely not freaking out if we need to make exceptions here and there. I asked my friend what they do at daycare there, and up to a year old they let them nap on their own schedule and after 12 months they offer at the same time, but if they don't want to nap one day they are allowed to play after a solid try. Maybe we don't turn out fine, ha ha but it's hard for me to fully comprehend why nap schedule is so important in the US, but I can respect it. I think we all agree that kids need enough napping regardless, I wasn't suggesting to skip all naps all days. I also think that a big impact is the lack of government subsidy as daycare attendants are paid just a little less than a nurse there, so it makes it easier to deal with crazy kids! I am sure I don't pay the daycare enough to follow my LO's mood. Private nannies are definitely not an option here as they want full schedule and $30+ /hr, which is double what I make, but we are looking at moving somewhere more affordable. Nanny shares could be feasible for the same price, it is just hard to coordinate, and the nap schedule is also an issue there.

  • Katrina
    Feb 07

    have you considered a co-working space that has childcare on-site? These programs are often much more flexible, there are more of them popping up now a days. Depending where you are located, you might be able to find one through the drop-in care search on winnie: https://winnie.com/drop-in-daycare

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 07

    Don’t write off daycare, just THAT daycare! My daughter has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old and only got on a napping schedule when she was 16 months!! She did have one infant teacher who implied that we should stop holding her when she slept because it made her job harder....I won’t lie. I complained about her to the center director and they put that teacher with older kids and apologized profusely. The reality is, infants have their own schedules and sleep on their own time. I would find another daycare center because it’s terrible to have to worry about your child while you work!!!!

  • cristina t.
    check_circleChild Care Provider Feb 07

    I don't have any schedule for my babies ..it doesn't work , I did this job all my life for the last 30 some years and I just care for birth to 3-4 years old....everybody would be screening I like my babies happy ..I here to serve them keep them happy attend their needs until mom come and pick up ..my Clients are happy I care for the first , second and third if they have it ,,?and the grow up like coming to grandma house ..

  • Anonymous
    Feb 07

    I'll just be the devil's advocate here: daycare centers, and in home need to follow guidelines for safe sleeping and eating practices. I'm going to assume this include no rock-n-plays, no carseats, and no blankets/pillows/things that can suffocate babies in a crib. So that probably also means no letting baby play until they fall asleep wherever and next to whatever that could potentially harm them. Then even if they were to allow that they would need 1 staff member to sit with your child full time to make sure he doesn't get trampled by other children. So in to eating: he takes a long time to eat, which means they need 1 staff member to sit with him the entire time he eats, which means what? 15, 20,45 minutes? How many times a day? Children and their safety is a huge liability, and daycares I'm sure want to make the parents and children happy, but there need to be boundaries. And they usually stick to schedules because children thrive off of routines and predictability. It's much easier transitioning a bunch of toddlers from one activity to another if they know that, for example after their favorite music time is done, they get to have a snack.

  • Amanda
    Feb 07

    I wonder if you could find a private nanny for $16/hr? Someone who can be fully dedicated to your child and your child’s needs. I’m not familiar with the nanny/babysitting rates in your area, but $16/hr is pretty standard for private care. Just an option...

  • Anonymous
    Feb 09

    I've been in this field for 30+ years I am a mother of grown children and have grandchildren. ALL infants/children need a schedule and a nap. If you plan for someone else to care for it. TIRED infants/children are irritable, mean, and most times display behavioral problems. If you can't deal with that little when it behaves in those manners at home why would you expect others to. You only have one (infant/child) to deal with people in public/private centers have a few or several. Most time the large centers they are short staffed and they are over worked and underpaid. Its a disaster waiting to happen. Parents don't believe any place that tell you otherwise. Just as anonymous said they will do a 180degree on you. No one wants to deal with a screaming hollering infant/child until he or she decides to fall asleep. I'm just keeping it real 100%. #ilovechildrentomuchnottotellthetruth #itsallaboutsafety #itsallaboutthekids

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 10

    While I agree with the earlier anonymous about not letting a baby fall asleep on the floor or wherever while playing at daycare (I think there’re laws in most states that prevent daycare providers from doing this), I disagree with the notion or idea from the second anonymous that all infants need a schedule for naps. That’s silly, I nannied for years and also worked in home daycares and daycare centers. All the babies had their own sleeping patterns and there was no schedule until they were older. Some babies are teething, some are great nappers, others are terrible at napping but do great once they can roll and sleep on their stomachs and still others are cat nappers at best. What I always observed and what I see with my own child now is that once the children have all reached some of the same critical milestones, walking on their own and eating all regular foods and are off the bottles at least during the day, this is when napping schedules can start to be implemented with all the toddlers falling asleep at the same time. The primary reason for that being that when you’re transitioning a whole group of kids from one activity to the next at the same time they begin to also fall into sync when it comes to napping because they understand that that’s the time that it happens. Also, Christina t, I used to have my name and picture on here along with my real location. But I stopped because I am just not that interested in sharing who I am. If Winnie at some point wants everyone using real names and pictures then they should implement those guidelines and remove the anonymous posting opportunity. Even though I disagree with what the other anonymous posters have said and I’m sure people here disagree with things I say, I have no desire or rationale for knowing people’s names and faces (which could easily be forged anyway). It shouldn’t matter what someone’s name is or what they look like. People should feel safe to share their opinion as long as they do so respectfully and in a way that doesn’t harm others.

  • Karen
    Feb 13

    Also worth noting that in daycares, staff usually get their lunch breaks when it’s nap time (ratios double when “all” children are sleeping, quotes because lying there reasonably quietly counts to most licensing folks). There’s a practical reason there for the schedules. It’s not generally expected in the youngest infant classes (and a director can step in to help with lunches there), but definitely from the toddler room on, or older infant room if there is one.

  • Vera
    check_circleChild Care Provider Feb 13

    In my family daycare I let the infant dictate the schedule. Some babies sleep more than others and you have to know your baby that you’re watching. As they get older you guide them into a schedule. That’s why family daycare is best for infants They have lower ratio of children and can change or move the schedule more easily. You have to be comfortable with the daycare your children are at. If you’re not comfortable move to another daycare.

  • Liz W.
    check_circleChild Care Provider Feb 13

    At Over the Rainbow we ask all families of 6 week-12 months for their child's schedule and have them fill out a feeding plan.