Family social media posts

So my husbands family likes to posts pictures of our daughter on social media, which I actually have a huge problem with (that’s 700+ strangers per family member) but I let it go. But they constantly post pictures portraying our daughter as my husbands sisters child, caption and all, implying she belongs to my sister-in-law, and they DO NOT correct people when they comment. They actively crop me out of photos before posting them, and tag everyone BUT me when they post photos. I have spoken to them about this sooooo many times and they blatantly ignore me. When I talk to my husband about it he asks why I’m so mean to his family and turns it into me being crazy. What am I supposed to do??

  • Toni
    Feb 06

    Maybe talk to them about what issue they have with you? It seems like there’s another issue going on. They are lashing out at you by doing something that they clearly know that you don’t like.

  • Jessica
    Feb 06

    It always comes back to - I’m the one being mean by having boundaries

  • Toni
    Feb 06

    Well I mean talk to them about things outside of the social media. Like maybe they have an issue with you about something else completely unrelated to the picture posting. And maybe the posting is just to get back at you. Does the SIL have kids? Are they posting other family members kids and claiming them as someone else’s kid? Did you ask specifically why you are being cropped out of the photo? Is there anyone in the family that you can talk to and ask why the other members would do such a thing? It seems a bit mean. Sorry they are treating you poorly.

  • Ivy
    Feb 06

    That’s pretty disrespectful and childish. I have one family member who got married and moved far away. Once she had a child, she kept everything about the kid super private and I always wished she would share more, considering everyone loves her so much and would want to know because she’s now far away. However, I respect her boundaries— so does her husband. She also sends out little updates via email to a small circle, so that helps. If we ask for updates, she sends more too. Sure I’m more free with sharing my children on social media, but I know she doesn’t want to and she has zero regrets about being restrictive. It has been nearly 4 years of her being discreet and I truly applaud her. I honestly would report to FB or whatever social media to take the photo down and tell them again, that they’re not respecting boundaries

  • Jessica
    Feb 06

    My sister in law doesn’t have children of her own, which is like a big “issue” for them. And it was a huge issue that my husband and I had the first grandchild. My husband is 35, his sister is about to be 37. She’s not able to have kids, I offered to surrogate for them next year when I’m healed from the one we’re going to have in July. They weighing that option and adoption, but also have a very set lifestyle that is nowhere near kid friendly, and they’re at a point in their lives where they’re debating if they even still want kids. It’s his grandmother and aunt that openly crop me out of photos and act as if our daughter belongs to his sister. It honestly feels as if they just have no respect for me for whatever reason. They will complain and act as if they are personally being attacked when I post a parenting essay about anything. I breastfeed our 1 year old- they think it’s inappropriate. We co-sleep and his grandmother verbally attacks me about that. His aunt verbally attacks me about what I won’t feed her (processed sugar is literally the only thing, so candy and juice essentially). She’s very talkative and chatty, but they all just shout back at her to startle her and make her quiet, and they call her “noisey” and act annoyed. They act resentful towards me as if it’s my fault my sister in law can’t have children. They act as if I don’t exist in my child’s life, won’t acknowledge that I even have family. Our daughter looks like my mother, but they pretend like she’s the spitting image of my sister in law and mother in law (who she doesn’t even remotely resemble). We asked my sister in law and husband to be our second child’s godparents and it was a huge issue with the family because “well who is Tulips godparents then?” They just assumed they would be. Well they were really negative and awful the entire time I was pregnant with her, her godparents are my husbands cousin/best friend and his fiancée because they were excited and there for us. It’s mostly just his grandmother and aunt, occasionally his mom will get caught up in their b.s. but his dad keeps her pretty level headed. But I’ve never done anything but be polite. I set very few boundaries as they live 4 hours away, so I let stuff go constantly. But they’re very fake and backhanded with being nice to me. I don’t understand it at all.

  • Julie
    Feb 06

    Wow. So your in laws are horrible and your husband is gaslighting you for it!? I would report the pics on Facebook (I am not in there so I don’t know how but my sister reports pics of her kids that she didn’t authorize being posted all the time) and I’d demand couples counseling. That’s bs!!!!! Who cares if or what their issues with you are. They cannot act like that. So inappropriate.

  • PK
    Feb 06

    You’re the mother.. you’re allowed to have as many boundaries as you want. The first step I see is to get your husband to understand your point. Whether it be showing him all the malicious things strangers can do with your daughters pictures and/or getting him to take your perspective as to how you feel his family is treating you. Ask him how he would feel if he was cropped out of all your pictures.. and wedding pictures or family pics - if you copy and pasted another male face on top of his. Or if you posted a picture of him doing something and completely twisting the story behind the photo. Now ask him to multiply that feeling by 100 or whatever number you feel. Because it definitely would be a much greater feeling as you are the mother! That’s basically what they’re doing to you... twisting captions and replacing you with another face (thru caption). I’m sorry that you are going through this 😕 I agree with Toni though, it sounds like they have another issue with you. I would ask your husband about that too. But your husband should be your advocate. Ask your husband for his perspective too. Make it a conversation rather than a rant from you.

  • Jessica
    Feb 06

    I have another post about their general disrespect and his gaslighting it. He’s been working on it a lot, trying to hear me out, take in the science I show him on parenting issues. They’re very “well our kids turned out fine”. Yeah, I turned out relatively okay too, but that doesn’t mean my parents were right all the time. We used to strap toddlers to the bench seat of the caddy with a single strap attached to their waste that allowed them to stand and run around on the seat. Most of those kids lived. Doesn’t mean it was safe. I’ll give my hubby credit for this one as I was just discussing it with him again and he looked at a couple pictures that I was very obviously cropped out of and a post basically calling our daughter his sisters child and seemed much more understanding and said he would talk to them about it. But the fact that we’ve been together for 3 years and they’ve always acted as if I’m invisible drives me insane. Even before we had kids, we’d be having a conversation and I’m talking and someone just decides I’m done because they disagree and starts shouting over me as if I’m not there rather than having a discussion. And it’s ONLY his mother side, which is small. Mom, aunt, aunts husband, grandma, grandpa. Aunts husband is great. Everyone else is weirdly rude and just cannot be wrong even when they’re very wrong and proven so. It’s just so weird to me that they think it’s okay to 1. Post photos of a child that’s not theirs 2. Crop the child’s mother out of the photos and pretend she doesn’t exist 3. Blatantly lie about who the child’s mother is.

  • Ivy
    Feb 06

    On a side note, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they’re narcissists. All it takes is a bit of empathy for people to get along... sometimes, people don’t have that and it is extremely weird because they tend to charm everyone except for their victims.

  • Julie
    Feb 06

    My mom once told me that you can put two married people in a room who know nothing about each other and tell them they have to talk about something and they will almost always talk about one of four things: their children, their in laws, their spouses, or their jobs. Lol. My mil is notorious for the, “well that’s how I did it and they survived.” Comments. Everything is retorted with this statement. I actually take it as her being defensive because she doesn’t have the best relationship with her kids and that’s largely due to her narcissistic, selfish, “me first” behavior. She couldn’t come to my daughter’s first birthday party because her boyfriend wanted her to come with him to a concert and it was something she had been dying to see forever. He surprised her with the tickets a week after I had printed and sent out the invites. Instead of being understanding and saying something like, “it’s so sad I’ll be missing her party, I’m so sorry.” Or, “well I’ve always wanted to see this group perform but I also want to be there for my granddaughters party so I’ll talk to him about this and explain why I can’t go to the concert.” She three a temper tantrum because I refused to send out a “change the date” notice and change her party to a different weekend. So, yes. I know the first party is mostly for the parents and the cute pics of babies eating ice cream with their hands but I have a huge family. Over 70 invites went out for her party and over 100 people came and they were all family except my one best friend from high school and her three kids. There was no way I was going to reschedule, change the tent rental and table/chair delivery, etc etc. I understand that she chose the concert over the party and I honestly don’t mind either way. I get it, she has a life to live too. But to this day she hates me because I refused to change the date. If there’s a reason they don’t like you don’t be surprised if it’s as petty as the reason my mil doesn’t like me!!! Lol. I’m glad your husband is getting better about how he views these things. Nothing sucks more than feeling like you’re going through this stuff alone.

  • Laura
    Feb 06

    There's a lot going on here beyond the Facebook photos, but one of the best things I ever did was hide my MIL from my Facebook feed and generally use Facebook less.

  • Renny
    Feb 07

    Report to FB all the pictures that has your child in it. Stating they don’t have permission to post them. FB will remove them. All my family and relatives are half the world away and my husband is not close at all to his. At times it’s hard not having families around but a lot of time I’m grateful. 😅

  • Beverly
    Feb 07

    They are WRONG and are being extremely childish and disrespectful. Once your husband is on your side (which it seems that he's beginning to understand, but shame on him for not cluing in sooner), I would just stop posting pics of your kid on social media period. Anytime they post a pic, report it. Period. Your daughter, not their's.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 07

    Report all photos and their profiles on FB. You have he right.

  • IV
    Feb 07

    So rude and weird. Sounds like they have issues with you. Your husband should be taking your side. If you don't like it, report the photos to FB. Nobody but the legal guardians have the right to post photos of minors on the internet.

  • Sarah
    Feb 07

    Have you talked to your sister in law about it? It doesn’t sound she’s taking part of all this drama, so I’m curious how she feels about all of it. Would imagine she might be hurt that her family is trying to project a different life for her, showing the world what they wish her life was. If she’s upset about it too, she might be better able to stop the behavior than you. And if not, at least understand that someone else is similarly annoyed by it all might make it more bearable- misery loves company.

  • Julieann Dela Cruz
    Feb 12

    This is exactly how my in-laws are. My sister in law goes around telling people that my son is her son and no matter how many times I talk to my in-laws and bf they don’t listen to me at all. And now I am almost 5 months pregnant and my in-laws are already claiming that my baby is there’s. My sister in law claims that as well due to all of their sibling looking alike. My son came out looking like his father who conveniently looks like his sister so now she claims any child of mine is hers. And she’ll post that on social media. All I do I get mad and talk to my BF . To the point I have told him that his side will not have any right on seeing any of my kids.