Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Tough Topics

Fed up with husband’s anger


My husband gets mad at me all the time. I feel the issues are everyday life occurrences that other people don’t get blamed for or called a screw up over. I did a family activity yesterday and was an hour late to pick up our son from our babysitter. I said I thought we should be done around 5 and got there a little after 6. My husband was so mad at me because he felt it was rude. I know it wasn’t the most considerate but it wasn’t on purpose and I hire the babysitter once every three months. I paid her for the time. Last night he got home from work at 12:30 and yelled and turned our bedroom light on because he left his laundry in the bed and I guess he thought I should put it away from him? I do mine and the kids laundry, he can put his own away. It seemed abusive to me that He expected me to wake up and help him put it away. Today our new puppy got his foot shut in the door when one of the kids shut it. The puppy seemed okay but when I took him out to go to the bathroom later tonight he couldn’t put weight on it. I was scared to mention it to my husband because I knew he would be mad at me. Sure enough he is irate with me for not paying enough attention. We have young kids and this could have happened with any of us watching the puppy. These are just examples for why he is mad at me the past two days. It is always something though. I stay home with the kids all the time so I can make dinner for him, avoid having company over because of his outbursts, and have no life because it is just easier when trying to keep the status quo. I never make an issue out of his mess ups even when they are kind of big ones. Yet he gives me no grace when I falter. Every counselor I speak to says I need to shift my mindset or how I see things and that will fix everything. It feels hopeless to me because I have tried for years. Meanwhile he has done nothing. What about him?! I basically do everything at home because if I bring something up it just starts a fight. I love him but really do not like him or how he treats me. I think we are just a bad match. I have put up with it because of our kids but I realized tonight I yell at them for things I could care less about but I know he will yell at me if he catches the kids doing these things. Has anyone been where I am? Is this normal? Am I just being too sensitive?

  • Anonymous
    Oct 08

    It is NOT normal, right, or good. It is not your fault. Your husband clearly has a real problem with his anger, temper, and control. All of us have ways we make mistakes or can improve our thinking on something, or improve responses in the moment, but that does not cause or warrant the reactions you are experiencing. I don't have advice for you. But I felt I had to respond to you after reading your post to say that what you're enduring is wrong, and you are not "too sensitive". I don't know you, but I will be thinking of you and praying for you. And I don't know where you live, but here's a good place for counseling - Hope Counseling Services in Chapel Hill NC. I'm unaffiliated but several friends have found real help in awful circumstances.

  • Ashley

    No this is not normal it sounds like you are being abused... abuse is not only in one form... mental abuse is worse than physical abuse in my opinion ... look up power and control wheel and you make the decision if this is right or wrong... I am sure you have tried to talk to him about it before? If not I definitely would unless you can’t have a normal conversation... everyone makes mistakes but we are all human! I know from experience that if he treats you badly in front of your kids then girls are going to grow up letting men treat them that way and boys will think that’s how to treat a woman... it is a very vicious cycle that can only be broken by you,,, I am very sorry you are dealing with this and I am going to pray for you and your family! You are beautiful and you deserve to be treated as a human!