Anonymous

Feeling selfish

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old together. I just don’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore and I’ve tried to separate and suggest he move out but he won’t and wants to keep trying to make things work when I know it never be the same, he trying so hard but I feel like my minds made it already. Am I selfish for wanting to leave him to be happy on my own and possibly have an ugly custody battle or should I stay and be miserable, I’m just so confused and don’t know what’s right

  • Crystal
    Oct 10

    My husband and I are going through the same thing after 14yrs together, two kids and a previous relationship on both our ends. We tried to salvage our family by getting back together after a year apart. I tried so hard to fix things but we both realized that we are no longer “in love.” Just that we love each other as friends. He told me he has feelings for is ex girlfriend from his previous relationship during our separation and that was the breaking point for my attempts at his affection. Your kids will always know that you are unhappy no matter how hard you try to hide it. It was best for our family for us to just decide to separate and co-Parent amicably. I think we will all be better off this way. It’s the hardest thing we’ll ever do but we’ll do it together, respectfully and for the kids.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 10

    He just makes me feel so bad about wanting to leave, he constantly tells me how I’m being selfish and only thinking of myself. I just don’t want to stay for the wrong reasons and end up wanting to leave again years later with possibly more children involved.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 10

    That is called verbal abuse , you have to do what is best for you and your child , you have to find the strength within yourself to leave , because life is too short! You deserve to be happy! And honestly your boyfriend will move on and have a life with someone who truly loves him, if it helps look at it that way , you are keeping him from someone who will really love him Someone out their who is better for him than you are . If you can’t do it for yourself and your child trick your mind and do it for him. Best of luck .

  • Jazelise
    Oct 10

    I’m in the same boat. Only were married going on 5 years but his drug addiction was unknown until 3 years into the marriage. I almost left but decided to try to work it out but feel like I’ve only wasted more time. We have 2 children together and I have one from a past relationship. I’m torn between staying for the kids but I don’t want him to get his hopes up.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 10

    Sometimes its better to have separated parents that are happy than have parents together unhappy. Kids pic up on it at some point. Its not selfish that you want to be happy we should all be happy in our lives and if not then only we can change that. You are your child’s role model would you want them in your situation, you’d probably tell them to do what makes them happy.

  • Victoria
    Friday

    After 3 years sure the initial excitement starts to fade...im in the same boat. I have to remind myself of why I got into the relationship and the benefits I get as well as my new family gets from us having a solid family unit. There's a lot of research that shows that people looking for happiness don't particularly gain it after a break up (unless the relationship is abusive or unhealthy ) it's just that people are giving up, a life time is a long time and the feeling of soul mates are far and few so it's understandable that people want to see what else life has to offer. But maybe a beautiful commitment could come with the years with this person and a beautiful family can flourish?