Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Relationships

Going out

Anonymous

How often is it reasonable to go out and stay out? How do you compromise? I don’t mind the going out part, it’s just staying out all night that bothers me when we have two babies. Or is this normal? Are parents still clubbing and getting drunk on a weekly basis till 3-4 am? (Not judging other parents just the jerk who’s left me to look after our kids alone)

  • Raji
    Jun 11

    Wow..... you are very generous...... shit would hit the fan here real quick. We r not club goers but if n when hubby goes out..... he’s home at a reasonable time. We r just a team of two without any family nearby so can’t be going out and getting wasted. Personally, I would tell my husband that ain’t ok and discuss it...... how can he parent like tat?

  • Anonymous
    Jun 12

    I read this post the other day and didn't know how to word my response, but Raji put it well. Shit would hit the fan. On special occasions, like once a year, yeah, sure, maybe. But weekly? Hell no Time to grow up.

  • anonymous mom
    Jun 12

    Nope. Not okay. I would definitely flip my shit. I haven’t gone out with friends at all yet since she was born and my daughter is 21 months. My husband has been out twice with his best friend who also has two kids. He lives several hours away so when he has come to visit I encouraged my husband to go out so they could talk and not annoy me (lol). Both times they went to a local bar, had some drinks, and were home early. Everything changes when you have a baby. Everything. Most moms realize that immediately and some dads don’t. Definitely have a chat and lay down the law!! lol

  • anonymous mom
    Jun 12

    Edit: by early I mean before midnight.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    The thing is it’s mainly his family telling him to go out with them. Either his mom, sister or her fiancé and sometimes his friends.. he works at a bar too so sometimes he gets drinks there.. they think it’s okay for parents to have their alone time. Which sure if you want me time then okay. I don’t mind him going out it’s the staying out part that really bugs me but he says he couldn’t get a ride home.. like if they take you out then bring you back then but he doesn’t wanna ask.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    He's an adult, time to use his words. And it doesn't matter what they think.it matters what you and him think as two parents. If he cant manage to ask for a ride then he shouldn't be out. It's not fair to you.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 20

    if you guys are really young, then it could be immaturity on his part and you should definitely (calmly) let him know it’s not ok, and he needs to change. no need to fight, your confidence will yield authority. but this reminds me of my case, and that was a lot more serious. my family has issues respecting women that marry into the family and definitely didn’t respect my (now ex) wife. to her face they were nice, but i know now that the comments they made behind her back were a sign of a deeply rooted disrespect. this led to a lot of situations like you are describing where my family and i would be having fun while my wife would take care of our daughter. i see now that i played a serious part in that, and my marriage suffered, and ended, mainly due to what i now see as selfish and disrespectful behavior. communication could have helped in our case, but mainly i needed to realize that my wife was my family, after marriage and especially after having kids, EVERYONE else became extended family.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 21

    I did tell him and he called me a lame prude and apologized the next day. We went over to his sisters house because they wanted to do game night which turned into a drinking game. 11pm rolled around I said we should get going. We had our toddler and our infant was at my moms house. He didn’t wanna leave saying I was ruining the fun. We had a talk and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with going out and having time to destress. I don’t know if his family says anything behind my back because they are nice in my face too (we’ve had our moments). But he’s in his late 20s and I’m in my early 20s I’ve told him kids shouldn’t stop you from having fun. But sometimes you need to watch what you do especially around them.