Posted in Blended Families, Family Planning, Siblings, Modern Families, Multiple Children

Having a Second Kid?

Hello! While not here to completely decide my future, I do want to get some thoughts on a matter. I have a 3 yo step-kid with my spouse. That kid is the only kid in our family and the other side... as in my spouse and their ex-wife only had the one kid, the ex-wife hasn’t had another kid, and we haven’t had another kid. So it’s just the one. But both sides of the family are now talking about having another kid. Is it fair to the first kid for me to have a kid? I’m worried because I don’t want her to feel replaced or like I would love the other kid more because I’d be their “mom” (my step-kid just calls me “Kiki” or “step-mom”). I’m also worried because the 3 yo is only with us half the time while another kid would be with us all the time, perhaps making the first kid feel less loved. Anyone in this situation? Thoughts, feelings, experiences? Anything helps!

  • Rebekah
    Oct 29, 2018

    Honestly the younger she is when you start having kids the easier it’ll be for her. It’ll become routine for her quickly and just be a bonus to come over and see her siblings at your house. We started having kids when my stepdaughter was 8 and she was upset at first (mom had 3 others at the time from other men so she enjoyed being an only child at our house.) But now she loves coming over and seeing her two brothers she has at our house. I even made a joke about having another baby the other day to her to see her reaction (I’m pregnant and we haven’t told her yet since she reacted so bad with the first two we had) and she got all excited saying she hopes it’s a girl when we do have a baby. It’ll be rough adjustment at first but in the end they’ll be her little brother or sister and she’ll love them no matter how much she sees them and she’ll always have a friend to play with when she comes over.

  • Alex
    Oct 29, 2018

    Do it. Kids are super adaptable and she'll probably be excited to have a sibling around. Especially with her being so young? My children are 3 years apart and I'm sure my older daughter wishes she could take a vacation from her brother half the time. So I say do it.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 29, 2018

    I think all kids have to transition when their parents have a second. You’ll just have to make sure she feels loved and has special time with her dad and you even after baby comes.

  • Sam
    Oct 31, 2018

    Just make her apart of the pregnancy. Like tell her shes going to be such an amazing big sis, and that you'll really need her help, get a shirt that says shes a big sis, have her listen in and be present for ultra sounds, and when babys born she can be a big helper. Trust me she'll love it!