Posted in Behavior, Blended Families, Divorce & Separation


My five year old stepson Andrew is with us 5 days/wk. with his mother on weekends. She got a new bf (Matt, who lives two hours away) and because the courts gave her all thanksgiving day, she took him to his house and they stayed the whole thanksgiving weekend. She has made him call the new bf - second one since September - MattyDaddy right from the start. She’s trying to replace his dad and get in jabs at him. Well, since all this happened, Andrew: 1: Has has the biggest attitude. He generally loves me, but since thanksgiving is just spiteful. After about Thursday, he starts warming up to me again, wanting hugs and cuddles, but then he’s back with his mom for the weekend on Friday. 2. He has to listen to his mom say crap about us the whole time he’s there. He tells us that mommy hates me and she says mean things about daddy. 3. He’s started to be afraid to do anything to disappoint her. I wouldn’t let him take our house boots with him one week (she will literally ruin our stuff on purpose, and there was no snow) and he sobbed for 20 minutes because mommy was gonna be so mad at him. He wouldn’t eat one week because he overheard her yelling at my FIL she was gonna get him drive thru... and then was more than an hour late picking him up. He was starving. 4. Won’t listen at school... his school behavior has been almost perfect since he started. But he’s been getting into trouble - even went in an off limit area, fell, and we had to take him to the ER. He busted his face up pretty badly. His eyelid needed medically glued back together. 5. And last but not least - he has started pooping his pants. Today is time number 5 in a month. Until today, it’s been at school. He says that Matt is very nice, so I am happy about that. The last bf jerked him around a lot. I guess I just need some advice. I know it’s really hard on him. I know he’s confused and doesn’t understand what’s happening. But I am so frustrated with his behavior... I know that yelling isn’t gonna accomplish anything. I don’t spank him. I try to be as patient and loving as possible. I do keep what discipline he gets here very constant. I’ve worked with kids for 12 years... I am pretty good with almost every kid. I nannied a boy with severe behavior issues. But I just don’t know what to do with him anymore. I love him so much. I know he needs to be with us because life with his mother isn’t good. I just feel very spent. Any advice on how to help him, or deal with his attitude, or to get him to stop pooping his pants would be greatly appreciated.

  • Erin
    Apr 01, 2019

    It sounds like she is toxic and emotionally abusive. If you can’t get her out of his life I would suggest your only other chance at peace would be consulting a professional on this one. Find a child psychologist who isn’t also a lunatic. They are flawed humans too like everyone else so do your homework. This is a super difficult situation to be in and you need all the help you can get.