Posted in Behavior, Big Kids, Potty Training

HELP! Going crazy!

So my almost 9 year old stepdaughter wont quit peeing and pooping in her pants. She has encopresis so the pooping is annoying but there is a reason why. The peeing however is just her being lazy and not wanting to stop what she is doing or watching and go to the bathroom. It doesn't bother her to sit in the wet pee at all. We have literally tried every form of punishment and she just doesn't care. Any suggestions would be helpful.

  • Anonymous
    May 22

    Hi. I’ve seen your posts before and remembered how hard a time it seems you’re having with her. Have you tried taking her to therapy? This seems like a larger issue than just this symptom. It doesn’t seem like punishment works so maybe you need to try something new.

  • Scarlett
    May 22

    That is our next step after we see what the urologist says and will probably do it anyways. I am still new to being a parent and just get so frustrated.

  • Anonymous
    May 22

    My advice is that she gets therapy and that you all try family therapy. This has been going on a while and she needs help

  • Scarlett
    May 22

    Yeah something is definitely not right. It's not normal to be ok with just sitting in tour own filth and not care

  • Julie
    May 22

    Definitely therapy!!! Also , it’s great you’re seeing a urologist!! Are sensory issues duly ruled out?? Just thinking that it must be unbelievably uncomfortable to wet herself and not even care!!! Does she do this at school as well?

  • E
    May 22

    Think about going to a pediatric occupational therapist. It could presenting as lazy, but she may just not be understanding the signals her body is sending saying “ you need to go to the bathroom.”

  • Scarlett
    May 22

    We've thought about that but everytime I ask her why she did it she says she didnt want to or was busy doing whatever she was doing. When I catch her doing the pee dance and ask her if she needs to go she always says yes. She does just fine at school as far as we know and she never comes home in different clothes. It seems to be only an issue at home

  • Elle
    May 23

    Suggest therapy. There may be some underlying issue there.

  • Lauren
    May 23

    Therapy is needed, reading your exasperated post and everything you’ve tried to do just seems like it’s time to see what truly is the underlying reason :/ good luck

  • Angie
    May 23

    I agree.....therapy to talk about what is going on, please! Also make HER clean up the accidents herself washing everything but therapy first and foremost.

  • Julie
    May 23

    Yes, making her clean it up is a great suggestion. Not in a way to shame her!!! But more as a way for her to under consequences, similar to making a mess in ones room. No big deal you made a mess, but by age 8/9, you can certainly clean your own mess up!!

  • Scarlett
    May 23

    Oh I've never cleaned it up. It's been part of the process. She does it so she cleans it up. She used to hate it but if course now doesn't care 🙄😑😩

  • Danielle
    May 23

    Children don’t always have the ability to words to express being upset, overwhelmed, feeling out of control etc about something in their environment and often use their “behavior” as their only way to have some form of control. It doesn’t seem like consequences are working/will work for her. I would look into therapy and the “nurtures heart approach” to addressing problematic behaviors.

  • Julie
    May 23

    Therapy is the only option. Honestly, I love therapy. I go often and it’s very healthy. It should never be the last resort, get your daughter into therapy and go yourself. We never have all the answers, sometimes we need someone to lead us to the right questions, though. Good luck. ❤️

  • Candice
    May 23

    I hate to say it but it sounds like she knows it's fustrating you and she's doing it on purpose. I'm a step mom as well it took a long time and alot of consistent behavior from myself to form a relationship with my step daughter little girls are very very smart my friend

  • Anonymous
    May 23

    Please go to therapy. Your posts from July were about the same things and it sounds worse. This poor girl (and you) need some help

  • Anonymous
    May 23

    Therapy. Clearly efforts at home aren't working and negative attitudes/emotions will only worsen it. Therapy will help her and you and her father through it.

  • Angie
    May 26

    The fact that the child only does this at home and not at school is a big indicator. Please seek therapy for her sooner than later.