Anonymous

Help husband believe in himself

So my husband is in the military. He’s a nuke. So his job can be stressful. Sometimes he finds himself down in the dumps and not motivated and feeling bad about himself. I’m worried about him since he’s not here( out at sea) How can I help motivate him? What can I do to make sure he knows that he is great and everything when we can only talk via email. My heart just aches for him Bc it’s not going his way this year. I’m hoping they let us send a care package soon. So I can send him stuff that will make him happy. What are some tips for when he is home, as well? What do you do to make sure your spouse has a happy positive attitude?

  • Anonymous
    May 24

    This is really hard, especially since you can’t be next to him to read him further, hug him, etc. my husband tends to have cycles of ups and down, and over time I’ve figure out the best I can do is encourage him to do something I know he loves doing but has dropped. For him it’s often working out or not having some personal time alone. I know your situation is different, but maybe you can translate this into something he can do on the submarine (I assume if he’s a nuke that’s where he is) that would help keep his morale up. You sound like you are doing your best. This is such a hard situation. I’m sure you doing this and expressing your love helps him. Hang in there!

  • Anonymous
    May 24

    Can you make him a video of reasons why he’s a great husband and person? My husband is in law enforcement so some of the things he sees really puts him down. When we were dating I got two packs of his favorite sports team playing cards. One for him to use to play with and the other where I did a “52 reasons why I love you.” I put address labels on them and wrote on that so the ink wouldn’t wipe away. And punched holes in it and bound them all together with those metal rings you can get at an office supply store. After 6 years he still has that 52 reasons card set I made him and he keeps it on his nightstand to peek at when he’s feeling down. So you can make a video and send via email... or maybe put something together like that and send to him when you can send a care package.

  • Samuel
    May 25

    Get him a book called meditations by Marcus Aurelius, also, foster a closer relationship with Christ, fasting and prayer.

  • Samuel
    May 25

    Ultimately there is nothing you can do, just love and support him, gently nudge him but he needs to wake up and see the problems and find the strength within to change. He may also need professional therapy to deal with this.

  • Anonymous
    May 25

    I agree in continuing the encouragement. My husband is currently deployed and we message each other almost every day. I used to send photos of myself when it was just us but having our dog and son, that's pretty much all the photos lol We are both gamers and during his last deployment, it was easier for us to play together. However his schedule has really got him tied, so I'll talk to him about how far in a game I've come through or try watching some shows on Hulu or Netflix that I liked and vice versa. Better now is that he's been hanging out and playing D&D with his battle buddies. If all else fails, try encouraging therapy. My husband doesn't ever want to go back but I honestly think it helped his mentality before he stopped going (It doesn't help that the army is changing things around so much so that he might end up medically discharged) My husband is also very stubborn. It takes time to get him to move an inch, but it can be worth it. Keep the motivation as best you can. Little things matter, and I'm sure he'll notice it in time. 💜

  • Anonymous
    May 25

    Thanks ladys! I can’t really send him videos as that’s not allowed in emails and I can only send pictures when they let us. So emails the only Communication we have. He did tell me he starting to feel a little down but probably Bc there’s no sun in a sub. I told him to work wit it and you be home very soon. He just feels like he’s not respected in his job by some people so the negativity from that is rubbing off him :( but he’s also told me the photos he do have spark him joy. I will keep all this in mind when he gets back to help him feel better with his self.

  • Samuel
    May 28

    He need to start reading about stoicism. It has been extremely helpful to many men in the military.

  • Samuel
    May 28

    Also, suggest to him to look into the Order of Man podcasts