Posted in Behavior, Toddlers

Helpless w/ the terrible two’s

My son is 2 weeks shy of his second birthday but the terrible two’s are here and in full effect. I don’t know where to start or finish about this topic. He’s super whiny, crying for extended amounts of time, throwing things, meltdowns, and it hurts my heart because I try to ignore him because I know I have to. My son isn’t very verbal yet he only says a handful of words so I get frustrated because I feel like if he knew more and understood more like he should for his age it would be easier to handle the tantrums. But he doesn’t. And I blame myself. I didn’t do things I should’ve and I feel like that’s why he’s behind speech wise. I didn’t read to him when he was younger, I didn’t talk to him or sing him a lot of songs. I feel like I failed as a mother because of these things. He doesn’t even know how to drink out of a sippy cup because I never introduced him I always bottle fed him myself. I didn’t take the right steps in allowing him to be independent or learn these self help skills. Off track, I know, but it ties into the not talking thing. So I feel like these terrible two’s are going to be more than terrible because I didn’t make sure he was on the right track and because of that we both suffer now.. what do I do? I am feeling very helpless right now. I don’t know how to help my son through these tantrums and I don’t know what I should be doing myself. Any help/advice is welcome. Please & thanks.. :(

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Aug 28, 2018

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Some kids just aren’t that verbal at that age but you are absolutely right in that he is probably extra frustrated that he can’t express himself. Totally normal (NOT something you did). You don’t have to ignore him right away. No matter what he did or wants (even if it seems completely insane to an adult) validate what he wants and give him a hug if he’ll take it. “Oh, you wanted our car to fly to the grocery store today, didn’t you? You are disappointed that it didn’t fly. I would be sad if I felt that way too. You know what a good way to express this feeling is? You can say “I’m sad.” Or you can move your hands like this (I taught my oldest the sad sign language move). “ then you can move into, “it is not safe to express your sadness by lying on the floor. I will be over here ready to give you anther hug when you are ready to express your sadness in a safe way”.

  • Meli1485
    Aug 28, 2018

    Exactly what Yopolos said !!! My son is 2.5 and still has meltdowns over what he wants to drink,Either apple juice or water. Oh and can I add that he bites things when he doesn’t want them. I try my best and get eye level with him and say “ it’s okay , are you sad , hurt, happy, silly and etc. Also, it’s never to late to introduce him with anything and you’ll see he will catch on. Maybe not the first few try but he will. It’s never the end - he will just grow and everything will fall into place. Also perhaps instead of reading , start doing flash cards with him. My son loved that. Just change something around a and you’ll be perfectly fine :) I promise

  • Cathy
    Aug 28, 2018

    I also agree with the above. Especially in terms of communicating with him. But also, now is the time to talk, read and sing to him! I literally talk to my son about what we are doing, what I’m doing, I talk through diaper changes and make up silly songs. If you’re getting ready to go to the store, talk to him about why you’re going and what you need, talk about and through the process. But don’t be so hard on yourself. Just keep moving forward. We all make mistakes as Moms. It’s normal. But now that you know how critical communicating and reading to your son is - DO IT! If you think he might need speech therapy talk with your pediatrician.

  • Hannah
    Aug 28, 2018

    Yopolos had the best answer ever! Don’t regret the things you can’t change, make changes to prevent more regrets. Start talking, singing, etc etc. More than likely he’s a really normal 2 year old that simply needs help understanding his emotions. Explain to him how he is feeling, explain that you understand his wants and why they can’t be met today, and always be there to hug him and soothe him (if your sanity can handle it)! On a lazier parent side, Daniel Tiger (remember to keep screen time minimal BUT) taught my 2 year old lessons efficiently, and effectively, while teaching me parenting tricks to help us in real life. The songs and story lines really truly correlate to the real world and they’ve really helped me cope with challenging moments.

  • Yi
    Aug 28, 2018

    Maria I can feel what you’re feeling right now. I used to blame myself because of small things as well.My husband told me No one is born as a mummy - I believe both you and your boy will be better and better:)! Like all above mums said, it will never be late if you start to change right now.

  • Alma
    Aug 29, 2018

    I felt the same my daughter is 2.5 she is still not very verbal and I had a period of time blaming myself and feeling very guilty bc I didn’t do a lot of things with her when she was younger. But I decided to start doing more reading, playing with her talking more to her and she is doing muuuuuch better I feel that even the relationship between us has improved a lot (much less meltdowns) try to do more things with him and you will see change. I live in Bayonne nj we should have a play date!!