Posted in Mental Health, Toddlers

How can I control my temper tantrums?

My 3 yo son is very hyper. The most hyper child I have ever known. Just yesterday alone he climbed and got biofreeze giving it to his sister, he wouldn't listen to ANYTHING I say. He does the opposite, he threw food on the floor, he spit in my face. There's more but I dont quite remember everything. He is just bad. But what is worse is that I lose my anger. I snap. And not just a little snap. I full blown snap. So i have to pull myself away from my child. But I do this 3 or 4 times a day. How can I handle him and how can I handle me? I can't control my anger.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    I’d think about two things. 1) going to therapy for strategies for your anger. You’re teaching your child how to react poorly. 2) is he getting enough exercise and activity? Sounds like he could use some more. It will really help him to be calm when he needs to.

  • Julie
    Jun 14

    I agree with anon. Therapy and some kind of mindful outlet for you (like meditation). It’s so great that you recognize you have a problem and want to work on it!! Helping yourself will also help your son. Also, talk to your pediatrician about your concerns with your son. They can help you have him evaluated and make sure there’s nothing going on. But definitely exercise and redirecting to try to balance him can help. I’ve heard more than once that 3 is a really tough age.

  • K
    Jun 14

    I disagree. You most likely don’t need therapy, you need a break! My son was the same at 3. Angel at 2, but 3 was the beginning of behavior issues. I lost my temper many times, still do. Of course you do!! It’s frustrating that they don’t get that WE are the ones in charge. But, consistency, staying calm and although it doesn’t seem like it, a strong hug at eye level can help a lot. We put our son on a success chart, where he earned little images of his favorite things when he did a great job at school or home. He would get a sad face for acting out, and an Ok for times he self corrected. Of course he was working toward something, but in the end he just like the praise and being proud of himself. Worked wonders. As for you, try to give yourself time and credit! No matter what anyone says, we all lose it sometimes. You teaching your kid what it is to be human, it’s how you handle the emotion after that really counts. I always apologize meaningfully and model my “calm down” strategies. Make 3 rules of the house that are non negotiable. Like, no hitting/spitting, or anything that fits your situation. Each has a direct consequence that will be enforced no matter what. Gotta show him who is boss. You are a wonderful mom, just by posting your concern let’s us know how much you love your children. It will get better, hang in there and know...this too shall pass❤️

  • Julie
    Jun 14

    @K, I’m of the mindset that everyone can benefit from therapy. Your suggestions are great though! I’m bookmarking for when my threenager breaks out of her shell one day:)

  • Sam
    Jun 14

    My daughter is doing this as well. And it is frustrating but I just tell her when you are ready and calm down I’ll hold you and she throws a fit and things but I ignore her and eventually she stops. At this age they are testing you and they don’t like authority figures (they love you but you being an authority figure makes him upset) because they want control. The hyper thing maybe he needs to be stimulated more take him out run around I just google what activities are in my area and take her. You’re doing great mama.

  • Mrs. HHH
    Jun 14

    I 💯 relate to you Klarissa!! I had anger issues big time toward my toddler too. After one particularly bad episode of me screaming and seeing his terrified face I decided no more! I told my doc everything and she gave me some medication to help ease my anxiety which was manifesting as anger. I was not interested in medication let me tell you but it was a last resort. It helps a lot because this is the age they’re very challenging. I figured I’d do something to work on myself first (calming medication plus CBD plus essential oils) and THEN I could focus and work on him and reigning him in. Take care of yourself and your issues first before you try to curb your kids behavior. Just like on an airline- oxygen mask for mom before kid! Just my tidbit experience. Good luck it is so so very hard at this age especially when you have a high energy one