Posted in TV, Movies, & Video Games

How do I tell my fiance that he needs to spend more time with family than on his games?

4 years ago, I met an amazing guy.. almost too good to be true.. he was sweet, caring, thoughtful, and we spent every minute together.. neither of us had our own place so we couldn't have each other over so we both decided to move in with a mutual friend so we could be together until we found our own place.. it was the best 5-6 months I've ever spent with anyone, wasn't the best place, but it was the best company.. we were always finding stuff to do together.. whether it was making dinner, watching movies, going for walks, making bedroom memories, going to the mall, just anything... but we moved into our apartment and everything has changed... he wakes up in the morning, goes to work, calls me 50 times a day while he is at work just to argue over something little and stupid.... like "I noticed this morning that there was half a load of laundry not done.. it should have been done yesterday or this morning before I got up out of bed.." then he comes home and expects the house to be spotless and dinner to be done and ready and waiting for him.. he goes to the bedroom and shuts the door and turns on his playstation... ( im a stay at home mom who just graduated college.. he expects me to stay home and clean all day while he works) our kids are older, 7 and 10... if he needs anything, they could be doing homework and he yells for them and makes them get it.. he doesnt come out of the bedroom unless he has to use the bathroom or he is leaving for work the next day.. he has lost his sex drive and he's always on the game.. he stays up until 6-7 in the morning playing his games as I'm trying to sleep behind him.. he has his headset on all the time and can't hear me when I talk to him and anytime something goes wrong he is screaming at the top of his lungs waking us all up and it's up to me to put the kids back to bed because if it were up to him, he would stay in his seat and just yell at them to get back in bed.. maybe 2 nights a week he clears like 3 hours of his gaming time to watch tv with me.. but even when he does that, he has 30 games on his phone he has to check at that time.. he says it's just a hobby but it feels more like an addiction.. even though my last relationship he was always out cheating on me, never have I felt this lonely.. he tells me all the time that it could be worse and he could be out gambling or partying (2 things he used to do all the time) but at least he's home every night at a decent time and not out with friends or machines and losing money.. he called me today.. and we got into a huge argument.. I said he needed to start spending more time with me and the kids cause we miss him and would like to do stuff together with him included.. he said not to start on him because we have been spending plenty of time together.. 6 hours a week is not nearly enough and all we do is watch tv.. the kids are already in bed at that point.. he does nothing with them.. and my daughter refuses to have anything to do with him anymore.. he used to be fun.. but last night he really hurt her feelings.. I have a bad back.. she was looking for something and couldn't find it so I decided to help.. I was down on the floor with her on my hands and knees when his son came running through the house and landed on my back.. it hurt really bad.. I was stuck in the position because it hurt too bad to move.. he had the door shut upstairs with his head phones on and couldn't hear me screaming and crying in pain.. I had to call him to get his attention and he said he was in the middle of a game and couldn't just leave and that I would have to wait.. it really hurt to hear that and it completely broke me to see my 7 year old daughter forget what she was looking for and laying next to me on the floor in the same position until I was able to move.. she ended up helping me get to my feet.. she doesnt want anything to do with him because she watched me cry for 20 minutes and him do nothing.. how do i tell him that he has got to at least slow down without him snapping on me?? If he wouldve taken a 5 minute break and helped me up, my kids would see that he does care.. last night was not the first time he has told me I had to wait to be helped because he was playing a stupid game.. he might as well be married to it cause he obviously cares about it more than me and the kids..

  • Anonymous
    Aug 20

    Sounds like he wants you as a maid / nanny instead of a partner. He obviously does care about it more than you and the kids and at this point I would be giving the ultimatum, you can have me and the kids or you can have your stupid video games. Its time to be an adult and if he doesn't like that too bad. I would suggest therapy but he seems like the type go deny there is an issue and make it out to be your fault. Do you have any family or friends you can leave the kids with? If you do I would get the kids out of the house, go home, unplug all devices / box them up, and wait for him to come home and have a serious conversation. If he cant do that, it's time to leave.

  • Erin
    Aug 20

    I only have one kid.. I can't leave with both. It's his son and my daughter.. giving him that ultimatum only works for about 2 weeks and then he is right back at it. I've done it 3 times already..

  • Anonymous
    Aug 20

    You've made the ultimatum three times, so what are you waiting for? Leave. Let him figure out what to do with his son. Let him see how hard it is taking care of a child. But how do you expect him to take you seriously when you've made the ultimatum three times? At some point you have to follow through with it. And you shouldn't have ever needed to give him an ultimatum in the first place. Clearly he's willing to gamble with your relationship so get up and go. You're better off without him.

  • Morgan
    Aug 20

    U 2 should go to counseling