Posted in Family Life, Relationships

How much time Is too much?

Anonymous

My son has been going to his grandma's house since he was 6 months old when I was working briefly. Then I became a stay at home mom. He started spending one weekend a month since he turned one. Now he is almost 2. I think he spend too much time with her especially since she is now influencing his behavior too much. Not in a bad way but more than I am comfortable with. She does small things to show that she has more influence than I do mostly when he is transitional from weekend trips. I don't like where this is heading and need suggestions for making sure they get time together but also that she knows her place. This is my fiance mom and he lots her have he way because he say she has less time overall in life with him than we do.

  • Clara
    Dec 02

    My mother in law used to spoil my kids. Not to the extreme but enough so they knew she loved them. She passed this April, from a fight with cancer. However I am so glad my kids got to experience their grandma when she was here. You can talk to your future mother in law and tell her you feel uncomfortable with some things she is doing. But please don't limit the amount of time your child spends with her. One day she won't be here and you will be glad for the time they spent together. Tell her your concerns and hopefully she is understanding enough to respect your wishes.

  • Christa
    Dec 02

    I would suggest not really saying much. My mother in law also just recently passed away- in August, anyway, I just kinda let her do her thing, and then if my son acted up later when we got home trying to get away with the same things that he was able to get away with with Grandma, I just explain to him in a very calm tone- “I understand that it’s okay to act that way at Grandmas, and she’s okay with that. But this is mommy’s home and mommy’s rules and this is how I expect it to be. Please use your manners” and carry on! Children are extremely adaptable to knowing what is acceptable where. For instance, If you were in a divorce situation you’d explain and expect certain things that your child must accept and addapt to which would be different than maybe daddy might do it. I kinda of look at things that way, and use it to explain, set my standards and move forward. It’s going to take some reminding and maybe a correction or two for them to adjust to what’s acceptable where, but that will get better each time, and the more you establish boundaries - whether it results in a melt down or not, you’re ultimately the adult and mom, and you get to decide and expect the standards you expect your child to live by. I wouldn’t limit too much time with the grandparents, your Fiancé has a point in that asspect- granted I never let my better half know he’s right either- but, all that said, she’s not going to be around as long as we will look back and wish she could have been! Remember behavior can be fixed, memories on the other hand are irreplaceable!!

  • Brittany
    Dec 03

    I agree with Christa. I am running into this with my mom actually. She definitely wants to be the "fun grandma" and not let my daughter be upset. Ever. I get it, to an extent, she's done her job as Mom and now she just wants the fun parts lol. I think that kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, they can definitely adapt to the "time and a place" theory. I even used that in my classroom when i was a prek teacher. Just be consistent with what you expect when your son is with you and he will love and appreciate both of you, in different ways. I know it can be frustrating, but I'm sure you're crushing this momma thing!