Posted in Divorce & Separation, Marriage & Partnership

How to deal with ex-wife when kids are adults


My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He was previously married for 22 years and has 2 adult children ages 35 and 38 with his ex-wife. They communicated multiple times daily with texts and phone calls and 99% of the time it was not about the kids. When he and I started seeing each other it was obvious she was still in love with him...even though she's been married for 10 years. She would make mean and hateful comments about me, hang up on him when he said he was with me, and stopped paying on two business loans he made for her one month after he started seeing me (over $20,000). His adult kids didn't like me because she didn't like me. He had to get a restraining order against her because she called him over 30 times one night when he finally closed the joint account they had for 30 years together because she began taking money out of it and never putting any in....all after he started seeing me. The judge told them to stop communicating altogether....that if it involved the kids, they were adults and could communicate with him themselves. He had to block her from his phone so that she would not be able to call him. We've had 4 peaceful years of no communication with her. His daughter became seriously ill recently, and he was communicating with her (the daughter) directly about it. His ex-wife began using the daughter's phone or the hospital phone to call him. He unblocked her so he could get information about his daughter in a group text (and because she told him he HAD to). He told her to add me to the group and she refused. She has started calling him again nonstop. I told him I have a problem with it because he can talk directly to his daughter about her condition and doesn't have to go through his ex-wife. We both know how manipulative she is and wants the ability to talk to him because she knows it bothers me. He told me he was going to block her again once his daughter was home from the hospital (which should be today), but I know that will only cause more trouble because she will throw a fit about him blocking her again. I don't know how to handle the situation because he does need to know about his daughter, but I can't get him to understand he doesn't have to go through his ex-wife to get it. His daughter has always had the fantasy of them getting back together and deep down I think the ex-wife has to. She even told the son one day that she would be back with him....and that all she had to do was get rid of me. HELP

  • Anonymous
    Sep 25, 2019

    sorry to hear you're dealing with this BS. if your husband is serious about YOU, he really needs to put his foot down and decide which side of the fence he is on. It's not fair to you for him to let this go on. co-parenting is the reality everyone has to deal with, but there is levels of respect that come with it. if your husband is going to continue to let his ex-wife disrespect you, then it's something you need to settle with your husband not the ex. I know it's hard but you also have to stop reacting and trust your husband is gonna handle it. she sounds like the type that loves to get a rise and you are feeding into it, especially if your husband is mentioning to her how mad you get. She loves that. so you have to act like you are unbothered. I have to wonder how her husband feels knowing his wife is obsessed with her ex!! also sorry to hear the daughter is ill, hope things work out.