Posted in Making Friends, Parenting Culture

I am not sure if I am overreacting and I wanted to get feedback.

Anonymous

Last week I had a play date with a friend that has a daughter that is 2.5 y/o. My son is 3.5. They were playing in a splash pad. There were two older girls playing there as well, they were about 9 and 10. My son was sitting by me eating some goldfish and my friends daughter was playing with the older girls. She was touching their face. I said to my friend "Your daughter is really friendly. She is over there touching those girls face" My friend responded by laughing and said "Well your son isn't very friendly" That made me upset. I said to her "He doesn't need friends. He is like his mom we aren't friendly" Her comment really upset me. I don't feel like my comment to her was judgmental i just made an observation. I am overreacting by her comment? I am very protective of my kids and I no longer want to have my child around this "Friend" Friends don't say things like that. What do you think?

  • Avi
    Thursday

    I think you took more personal offense when you simply might‘ve needed to dig a little deeper into why that comment was even made before reacting to it— why exactly do you believe she said this about your son? If he was called unfriendly by another parent, it’s your job to find out exactly if and why that is, and not dismiss those comments, even if you were unable to witness those behaviors at the time. You also seem to feel that this is due to your own social struggle and personality: “mommy isn’t friendly, therefore we’re both going to be unfriendly, and that’s fine with me.” If that is as factual and true as you’ve said, it’s an ideal time to take corrective action against what you’ve learned and what you’ve been teaching him to get along in this world. Kids actually DO need friends aside from those trusted at home, more than you may want to believe if your experience counters— and that is incredibly VITAL to raising a well-mannered, properly socialized child and eventually, a well-rounded young adult. You don’t want to potentially raise an unfriendly child and ultimately, a socially-handicapped man into this world to pass that idea onto another little one. Regardless of what you experienced or had instilled within you as a child into your adulthood, you should strive toward instilling within your son a stronger notion of friendliness than you were shown. Simply because mommy had a tougher time in that arena, doesn’t mean that your son has to as well. Try looking back into your childhood past and better understand where/why this unfriendliness began, whether it’s a learned behavior from parent or a personal lack of experience. Perhaps it’s time to become receptive to a different approach, to devise a new lesson plan to enhance the social skills and quality of life for both you and your son.

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    Kids need to be social and have friends. She could have taken your comment as criticism and felt defensive. I would ask her why she said that. Find out why she considers your child to be unfriendly. Just because she says one thing about your child doesn't mean you should stop being friends. Tell her what she said bothered you and talk about it.

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    I’d be offended a little by your comment and I can see myself responding the same way. I think you are way over reacting here.

  • Kieli
    Friday

    I have literally been told the same thing you said to her about my daughter, I didn’t take it in offense. I think kids being friendly is good. I would definitely try to dig a little and find out why she said it. May be a little more deep than just what you said because that is kind of rude her comment back to you