I don’t know who this human is

I have a 12 year old daughter who is like a total stranger to me. This year has been a challenge to say the least. She has ADHD and needs additional motivation to do anything on good days. Right now, lying about everything. Goes to school and doesn’t do her work. She had a take home test I asked her about 3 times. I was told it was done days ago. Then Saturday and Sunday. She didn’t do it, took it at school during her free time at got a 33. I have tried positive reinforcement, taking everything away, sitting down and just talking to her and nothing works.

  • Amanda
    Jan 14

    I just read an article earlier today about how teenagers and toddlers are extremely similar. It's both interesting and incredibly useful! Here it is: https://alphamom.com/parenting/toddler-parenting/toddlers-and-teens-more-alike-than-different/

  • Brandi
    Jan 14

    Thank you so much. I am going to start looking at our life this way. It’s hot to improve!

  • Anonymous
    Jan 14

    These behaviors could be ADHD related if she is having hard time managing it right now. Theres also a very really possibility that she could be developing depression. If these are abnormal behaviors for her, I would consider it. 12 is prime time for puberty and hormone changes.

  • B
    Jan 15

    Going off a little of what Amanda posted, there is actually a biological reason for the similarities between a toddler and teenager. There are 2 periods in child development where the brain sifts through all the information it has gathered and prunes away what is no longer necessary. The first is around the age of 2 and the other is puberty. That “pruning process” is what gives way to extreme emotions, irrational thought, and behavior that seems “out of the norm” for them. Add to that the hormonal changes common around this time and her ADHD could make it really hard to process everything that is happening. It sounds like maybe she needs patience and some help learning coping mechanisms (much like toddlers need).

  • Amanda
    Jan 15

    I had coffee with a friend of mine who works as a therapist this morning, and we chatted about the similarities between teenagers and toddlers. She recommended a book called "Building better relationships with teenagers ." I don't know much about it, but she said that it's great for learning new approaches to parenting teens!

  • Amanda
    Jan 15

    On a personal note: I will say that I have ADHD and there were times (especially around the time I first started my period in middle school and my hormones exploded) that I became so overwhelmed by everything that I just stopped doing things. It wasn't depression. It was because my form of processing (the very disoriented processing that comes with ADHD) wasn't conducive to the hormonal changes plus the heavy school coursework I was assigned (plus sports and extracurriculars, etc.) Is your daughter prescribed anything for her ADHD? My sister also has ADHD and she struggled with coursework/general functioning when she was on certain medications for her ADHD. I don't have the same medication sensitivities that my sister has, but I do know that my sister didn't function as well on some prescriptions as she has on others.

  • Momof2
    Jan 15

    Do you think she is open to having a conversation with you?maybe you could just check in with her and see how she’s feeling about life in general. Don’t make it about her lying or some issue you have with her but just say something like “ hey it seems like you’re having a really hard time right now is there anything I can do to help you/support you?” She may not be open to talking to you since she’s at that age where maybe she doesn’t wanna share with her parents anymore and maybe she would be open to sharing with professional? Sorry that sounds really tough! I’ve heard a lot of people say sometime between 11 and 13 years old their children turn into completely different people.

  • Jessica Alvarez
    Jan 16

    I totally feel the pain!! When my son turned 12(yes I realize boys and girls are very different) He turned into quite the A hole... and as time went by.. I decided to join him in whatever it was he was going through. I cut the yelling and started just asking him.."what's wrong.. ya wanna talk?" At first I was being sarcastic cause I was mad at him (I Know..I know.. bad mommy) but one day he just opened up and began crying.. I was shocked and I HAD NO IDEA what to do.. He is 16 now and we have never been closer. Of course we have our days... but it has become a running joke as I place my hand on his heart and ask.."you are grumpy... but how are you feeling inside of here?"He usually giggles and we talk about things. Hang in there mama.. we all are weathering this storm of teenage hormones!! Hold on tight