Posted in In-Laws, Marriage & Partnership, Relationships

I dont trust my bf mom to be alone with my baby.. Any suggestions???

My boyfriend and I have a daughter who is now 4 months old, I do not trust anyone alone with my baby except my mom/ family. I’m a first time mom & I breastfeed my daughter. My boyfriend’s mom keeps pushing for alone time with my daughter, Which i do go in and out of the room but to ana extent. We have gone to his house and I noticed this calendar in the kitchen and his mom will be charting it with happy & sad faces (happy=we came over , sad= we didnt go over), which i think is so unnecessary. I did confront her about to ask what those meant on the calendar and she told me that, and i told her i thought it was unnecessary to be charting it down like that. it’s got to a point where my boyfriend makes it a problem if I leave my daughter with my mom. He tries to tell me that I dont like his family or trust his family, but I trust mine and it isn’t fair. Everytime we go over to his parents house to visit, he always takes the baby to say hi, and i follow because wherever my baby goes I go. We just got into another argument about this and wasn’t the first time about me not trusting his mom to be alone with baby, is there any suggestions or how to go about this?? Am I the only one?? He makes me feel like I’m so over protective of my baby, and I think thats how it should be.. she is my responsibility.. what are your thoughts??

  • Payge
    Jun 10

    @Rose same here!! our MIL moved an hour and a half away when our daughter was 3mo (she’s 6mo now) and even when she lived 15 minutes away she hardly visited, and still somehow blamed it on me. he used to ignore it until i had a talk with him about how i felt about it, but now he’ll correct her and use my name or say ‘i don’t appreciate you calling her that’. she takes the hint for a few minutes but then goes right back to it.

  • Makayla
    Jun 10

    You’re definitely not the only one who feels uncomfortable. I only leave my babies with my family and I always stay close to them when we visit his side. I wouldn’t leave my kids with his family, but his mom is also handicap so she doesn’t push to keep them luckily.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 10

    Same! We never have issues until this is brought up. Always asking for alone time with LO and wanting to take her out to do stuff. I let my mom babysit because she watches her at the house and doesn’t take her anywhere unless I go too. MIL isn’t like that. Asks for sleepovers out of town trips and now recently out of state which I flipped out on. My husband says his mom feels left out with our kids and etc I told him she can bond right in front of us and why does she need to be alone? Why can’t she bond when we’re there or when we all go out? I wouldn’t have an issue with her baby sitting if it weren’t for the fact she wants to do stuff that I’m not okay with and likes to push it. It’s a fight that’ll never end. Just hang in there.. Also some moms are different they’re okay with other people watching their kids, and that’s them. His sister is fine with her mom taking her kids days at a time.. I’m not, not even with my own mom.. I’ve told him I didn’t have kids so other people can play mommy and daddy.

  • anonymous.,_
    Jun 10

    Wow thats extreme to another state , heck even out of town with momma is a NO for me! And right?! I say the same thing , she dont need alone time with our baby she can bond infront of me. & what are somethings she does that you aren’t okay with? & yesss! Thats a good one “i didnt have kids so other ppl can play mommy and daddy!” So going to use that one! @Anonymous

  • Anonymous
    Jun 10

    She’s asked for sleep overs ever since LO was a newborn with her other granddaughter which was a no no,. She would tell us how she never let having kids get in the way of having fun and how she took DH and his brother and their sister kayaking while she was in a car seat and they were toddlers.. to me that is crazy and risky and if she’s okay risking her kids like that then god knows what she’ll do with mine, they took us on a super long walk in the heat when LO was a newborn as well. Like I said having a baby around doesn’t stop them from having fun but as a mom I’m fine with sacrificing my fun so my kids are safe. DH thinks is perfectly fine if our moms take them anywhere. But I told him they’ve had their chance with us and now it’s our turn. I get grandparents wanna bond with their grandkids but no reason whatsoever to do it alone. She says she feels left out but I mean if you babysat at the house instead of wanting to take them all over then you would be able to... my husband said I’m silly for saying that and no ones playing mommy or daddy.. I let her and her bf take LO to the zoo one time because dh kept complaining, they came back and her bf said and I quote “at least we weren’t the only parents baking our kids today”... At the end of the day moms intuition..

  • Anonymous
    Jun 10

    So sorry! This became more of venting than advice 😅 I was here to actually ask about the whole out of state thing because we just argued about it today

  • anonymous.,_
    Jun 10

    Yes thats a big no for me , our babies are OUR responsibility not anyone else Safety is first!! Yes she needs to respect your wishes, these are our babies, they already raised theirs. And i know right i dont get that like they are babies not some toys where you take them anywhere and everywhere, there are so many germs and just crazy people in this world. I swear my BF’s mom will see my daughter (4 months old) and start telling her “ yes i know you cant wait till your a lil bigger in a couple months you can come with me everywhere “ . Obviously baby doesn’t understand and i feel she throwing that to me like take the hint , i want to have alone time type of thing. & gesh he had the nerve to say that. 😡 babies are way more delicate when it comes to heat versus adults can handle a lil better. Not something to joke around with. Yes moms know best especially THEIR babies!!

  • anonymous.,_
    Jun 10

    Oh no worried @annonymous! Everyone needs to vent totally relatable!

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    No offense, but if I were your husband I’d be offended too. Since you leave her alone with your mom, it means you don’t trust his. And unless she’s given you reason...maybe try it again and ask her to check in more.

  • anonymous.,_
    Jun 11

    Im a first time mom and i will keep saying this i trust my mom with my baby than anyone else.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    A baby isn’t a toy to fight over who gets to play with it more.. if someone really wants a bond and wants to see them, they can easily go to where the baby is. 🤷🏾‍♀️

  • anonymous.,_
    Jun 11

    EXACTLY !!😃👏🏻

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    You're momma bear! She is your daughter, they need to respect that! Why is it such a problem if you are all together? Why do they need to be alone so bad? Atleast you are letting the MIL see your daughter.. your husband needs to back you up or itll never work! You trust your mom because she raised you, you know her and you know shes good for your daughter. Any reason why you dont trust MIL?

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    If she wants to be alone like she claimed then she would have took up your offer to go over your house and babysit..

  • anonymous.,_
    Friday

    I guess they think that I dont trust them to be alone. But why would I not he around my daughter if were visiting, I’m not just going to sit in the other room you know.. & thats what I tell my husband that she’s my mom and she raised me , and he tries to use that for his mom. & just little things, like she’s one of those MIL’s when you don’t want your baby doing something for example watching tv at 4 months, she will be like well my kids always watched tv. Or another is because i always wipe baby down , shes like my kids were always dirty being messy thats how they learn. Basically just going against my parenting.

  • Anonymous
    Saturday

    Well, If it were me... I would say this... your mother can visit with me around or not at all. She doesnt respect my wishes for MY CHILD THAT I CARRIED FOR 9 MONTHS AND PUSHED OUT MY WHO-HA! End of story! Instead of being against me try looking at my reasons and be in my shoes and you'll see exactly why. She has no need to be alone with her anyway! We go visit... that's enough for right now, if I happen to change my mind in the future and your mother changes her ways then I would consider it. But for now for the love of God PLEASE be on my team with this one. If I were you, when she says those things nit picking at your parenting I would say... well "Karen" a lot has changed since the 80s, that's not effective parenting anymore and besides this is how I*** mother MY**** child! if you dont like it then we dont have to come over anymore. Call her out in that moment and maybe your husband will see... Or tell your husband I'll kick you or give you a certain look or say a code word when your mother in law is saying something about how you parent. Then talk to him about it when your home. Let him see how she is in the moment instead of you telling him what she says..

  • anonymous.,_
    Saturday

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Couldn’t have said it any better! Speaking the truth thank you so much. This definitely helped! Made me realize that “mama bear mode” is only normal, love this!