Posted in Divorce & Separation, Stay-at-Home Moms, Relationships

I feel stuck.

Anonymous

I’m a SAHM with a 23 month old, and currently pregnant. I’d really like to leave my husband; I feel like he finds joy in putting me down and finding fault in everything I do; but Before our daughter was born we’d decided I’d stay home to raise her. Now I have no job, and rely on my husband for financial support. I have no family or friends that I can turn to. Does anyone have any advice? PS: I’m not looking to get spousal support from him, he doesn’t make a lot of money; we’ve been able to get by with the help of his father who let us stay in his basement rent free.

  • Christa
    May 01

    First off, you need to do what’s right for you and your baby! If leaving husband is what you need to do, then do it. You’re a strong capable woman who is more than able to take over 100% financial responsibilities for you and your babies!! I also am a stay at home mom, with no family of my own other than in-laws- and even them I’m picky about who I claim as family and who I just kinda know if someone asks. There are plenty of great care facilities out there who will take good care of baby, and will support you. But maybe before you decide to leave husband, have you considered talking to him, and telling him how you feel? I know my husband and I have had our go arounds- I am also, like you currently pregnant with a 15 month old!! Hormones tend to take over sometimes- though I’m not blaming hormones- but talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If you can’t agree after a good discussion, then maybe take the next step of getting out of there. Being a stay at home mom is HARD HARD! I have days too where I feel like “my god, I can’t do anything right. The house is clean, the laundry is done, the kids are all alive and clean, and fed.... etc etc” and yet some how it’s not just so in his world. It’s something we go round and round on here and there. But my husband currently isn’t home every night, he works 4 hours away, and is only home on weekends, so it’s a different situation! Maybe also, if you’re feeling like you’ve got no income of your own- which as a stay at home moms, we don’t, but you might consider like online tutoring, or editing, or something, there is always a need for medical billing or transcribing... that perhaps would give you a better sense of independence of your husband financially if that’s what you’re needing. All in all, take care of you and babies. If you need to roll out, trust me momma there are lot of options for support out there for mommas!! Good luck and god bless you!

  • Jenn
    May 02

    Are there any domestic violence shelters near you? Sounds like maybe a DV situation. You can call the hotline and they will help you XXX-XXXX

  • Sj
    May 03

    Get your ducks in a row before you leave. Find an income and place to live that’s stable. Don’t go until you do. And keep in mind he will have joint custody even if the baby. It’s a hard fact but you will have half the time of your children’s life. I left without a solid plan and without knowing this.

  • Janette
    Jun 09

    Start by learning about the grey rock method and secretly stashing some cash. U will probably have to be very careful and definitely have a plan. Try calling the domestic abuse hotline and they will help u come up with a plan, always keep a “to-go” bag ready in case u have to leave with your child in a hurry. I always said it was in case our daughter had an accident or puked on me (that was why we needed a change of clothes,etc. in the car).

  • Anonymous
    Jun 12

    Hi there I just wanted to check-in and see how you’re doing? Sounds like a really hard situation. I’m in an unhappy marriage with two kids under two years and struggle. I fantasise about leaving, but also have issues of dependence. I’m in awe of your (and some of the above posters’) courage. How are you doing now?

  • Mysticnocturne
    Jul 11

    My cousin was in a similar situation, but three young kids and not pregnant. Her counselor told her that every paycheck she was to secretly hide some money as a nest egg for leaving. She also needed to make a solid plan on how she was going to leave with 4 people. By plane? By car? By train? How much would that cost? What supplies would she need to make that happen? Where would she relocate and why? It took my cousin a year to save the money. Once she did leave, it was while her husband was at work during the day. To another state. However, her husband sued for full custody of the children in his state and said she was mentally unstable and never even mentioned wanting a separation or divorce and the court dates were all in his state. If she didn’t attend, then they considered her not contesting the full custody he was requesting. Very messy and expensive. Just be very certain you have a solid plan and understand what custody issues may happen for you.