Posted in Adult Children, Blended Families
Anonymous

I have been in my step children’s lives for the better part of 10 years. They are now 18 and 22 and have been living with us full time for almost 3 years. Their mother is “in” their life but her involvement reminds me of a dolphin. She’ll come into their lives for a dinner here or a movie there but for the most part she has not contributed financially and leaves most of the heavy lifting to us. This is getting tiresome. We have 2 small children of our own and we all live together in a beautiful home. They are very good kids for the most part but my issue is that they are not children any more and I am growing weary of catering to adult kids. One works full time but does not have the courage to move out, the other graduated high school almost a year ago and hasn’t held a job longer than 2 months. This scenario causes a huge rift in my relationship with my husband who wants me to be patient. I do not agree with the way he is dealing with them. I am not okay financially supporting any adult who isn’t making active steps to improve ones life. Please help!! I am utterly exhausted being a step parent who has no voice!!

  • Mama
    Feb 10, 2018

    18 and 22 with little ones at home? You have your hands full but... It sounds like a new house rule could be built-in-babysitting. Every other night, they each spend two hours of uninterrupted time with the little ones. This time they spend with the kids could be time you and the hubby spend together. Actually eat together and have and peaceful and HOT plate of food! No cold plates you want to microwave, but it’s just easier if you eat it as is. 😉 Since one of them is chronically unemployed, and the other one is too scared to move out... Who knows? This could be motivating factor for them. Maybe your husband would love to spend more time reading a book in the same room as you? Food for thought?

  • Anonymous
    Mar 14, 2018

    Your husband needs to compromise with you. When he says “be patient” you need to ask him what type of timeline he sees in his head. Patient for 6 more months, 1 year, 5 years (jk) but what does he mean? And if the 22 year old isn’t contributing financially you need to have a talk with that one. And the chronically unemployed kid needs to contribute in other ways (chores around the house and spending time with the little ones so you and dad can have alone time). They’re way to old for a free ride and you have to explain to your husband that it’s actually for their own good. They need to mature. Also asking the 22 year old to pay rent (some portion) can also help her gain the confidence to move out if she can she that she’s able to budget and stuff. Good luck!

  • Debra
    Jan 14

    Step Parent with no voice! You have a voice you just have to get your sweet husband to listen. I also had no voice. With the help of counseling I got my voice. My husband listens and has learned to trust my voice. That I will do the right thing for everyone in our home. Good luck with finding your voice!