Posted in Mental Health, Parenting Culture

I have no patience

I have no patience! My son is seven years old and in the second grade and I find myself constantly yelling at him, sometimes even screaming and I absolutely hate it. I grew up with parents that yelled and screamed at my siblings and myself. I never wanted to be that parent. It is so incredibly frustrating to communicate with an extremely intelligent child and have them act clueless or “stupid “for lack of a better word. I do not think my child is stupid, I hate even using this word but he acts like he does not listen, he has no idea what you were talking about, and just flat out is so far behind when it comes to his schoolwork. He falls asleep within five minutes of starting to read because he finds it so incredibly boring. When he writes it is so messy you can’t read it. Teaching him anything that has to do with academics literally is painful to the point but I think beating my head into a brick wall would be less painful. I don’t want to be this parent I want to be supportive I want to be encouraging I want to be what he needs. And every time I try and talk myself into being patient taking a deep breath talking my way through things I find myself flying off the handle and yelling again. How do I be what my child needs me to be I don’t know what to do for him. I feel like I am letting him down terribly

  • Anonymous
    Aug 30

    So I remember my oldest brother in a similar situation... my mom ended up hiring a tutor for him and doing a reward/punish system for his grades. Below average - something gets taken away for the summer. Average - nothing happens. Above average - he gets a treat. I remember talking to him about it once, because he had a tutor all the way until he got to high school. And he told me that he just didn’t like my mom’s teaching style and he would stress out under her watch. My mom was a yeller too. I never got a tutor but I remember feeling that same stress. I’m the third child though so I think by the time my mom got to me to help with school, she had learned how to be more patient. Another thing that my brother started doing too was ignoring my mom. He flat out told her once that she always seems to be yelling at him so he tunes her out. Like schoolwork, patience takes time and work to develop. You need to find someway to release that tension. Whether it be a quick jog around the house, a stress ball, meditation or some recitation of words of value, listening to music, playing a musical instrument, screaming into a pillow... different things work for different people. I know this is all easier said than done... but you need something more than deep breaths and talking yourself through things.