I need perspective dealing with infertile friend.
*touchy subject* *edited to shorten* Advice needed. Biblical perspective would help the best, but I’m open to whatever you’ve got. :) I have a friend that I’ve been friends with for about 8 years. We were roommates and best friends when we we were both single, and both started dating around the same time, got engaged around the same time, and married around the same time. My husband and her’s were best friends too. But when I got pregnant on the first try, she revealed that they had been trying for a while, and they instantly pulled back and created distance in our relationship because babies were too painful a topic. We were understanding and felt sad with them. Sadly she missed my baby shower and the birth of my son. But again, we understood. Each time she sent me a heartfelt text that she was sorry to miss them, but it was too painful to be around babies. Since then, we occasionally plan double dates (we even went on a weekend vacation with them) but we always find childcare and make a point not to mention the baby as much as possible. Then she had a miscarriage at Christmastime, which sort of started the process over again. The day they had a positive test they told us, and we instantly went back to our old friendship. We spend multiple days together. We celebrated with them. We gave them baby stuff I had been saving for them. And the day she lost her baby, she withdrew again. Each time that I think that we basically don’t have a friendship anymore, and that I should just let it go, they’ll ask to babysit (and not follow through) or text me saying she values our friendship and wishes we were closer. My struggle is this: I understood when the pain was fresh and I had a newborn and everything. But my son’s almost 2 and they still avoid us and we still avoid talking about our son in front of them. This feels like an unhealthy friendship to me, and like they’re sort of letting their pain rule them. Am I being too understanding? Should I confront the situation? (Gently of course) Or am I being not understanding enough? I’m not trying to be selfish. If I’m just not understanding that this is the way people cope, or something I want to know. But if letting things change the way they have is as unhealthy of a friendship (and coping mechanism) that I think it is, I want to have the guts to say something without being the jerk who just doesn’t understand.