Anonymous

In laws sharing our news

So we’re expecting a little girl (so excited!!) but I’m pretty private, mostly due to anxiety, and we weren’t ready to share our news on social media as it’s still early. We told this to our parents but my mother in law is still sharing the news on Facebook. We have asked her multiple times to stop and not share as we haven’t even told some of our friends yet but she says, what I’m just excited? she won’t remove the posts and says, ok I won’t do it again. (Were on the third round of this) Can anyone commiserate? Share advice?

  • Caroline
    Nov 15, 2018

    Maybe have a heart to heart with her in person and ask her to take it down and that she can re post when the timing is right. Or if anything exciting happens again you might have to refrain from telling her.. which really sucks but you don’t want to make the anxiety worst and you deserve the privacy until everyone is ready.

  • ACK
    Nov 15, 2018

    Oh this is not okay in my opinion. It’s your and your partner’s news to share! I understand she’s so excited, so that’s a tough one. Maybe since she’s already spilled the beans, try and make the best of it! The heart to heart would still be necessary too for any future news. And unfortunately, maybe you just can’t share big news with her until you’re ready for everyone to know? I chose not to share anything on social media until we found out gender...and our parents had to keep things on hush! They told close friends and family, and that was ok with us. Social media would’ve been crossing the line with me!

  • Lily
    Nov 15, 2018

    So not okay! I would definitely sit down and tell her why you didn’t want to share the news yet. And explain why it was not her place to share. But I would just tell people now, if you are past three months the ricks go way down. And next time, just don’t tell anyone. My husband and I aren’t telling anyone until we are past three months. Even family

  • Laura
    Nov 15, 2018

    Commiserate. My MIL spilled our baby's sex on Facebook the morning before our reveal party. Sometimes MILs are just the worst.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 15, 2018

    Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your time to respond. I’m sorry some of you have to deal with this too. So frustrating. I like the idea of a sit down with a hard chat about it.

  • Erin
    Nov 15, 2018

    Stop sharing information with her. If she can’t respect your request for privacy, then she doesn’t get any more details.

  • molly
    Nov 15, 2018

    cut her off

  • Anonymous
    Nov 15, 2018

    Tell her she’ll never see your kid if she doesn’t stop immediately. You think this behavior is bad? Wait until the kid is born... gotta set boundaries early.

  • Danielle
    Nov 15, 2018

    Comment how your feeling on the post. Just make sure your comment is from the heart.

  • Amanda
    Nov 15, 2018

    My mother in law did this with our son. I didn’t want to announce until I was 12 weeks and took some picture with my daughter. But she went ahead a posted and tried to hide it from me by blocking me but we have friends and family on both pages so I found out. I nicely reiterated that I didn’t want anything posted and luckily she complied. It’s not okay when they don’t listen because it’s your baby and you have your reasons whether it’s to surprise everyone or other person reasons.

  • Andrea
    Nov 16, 2018

    When we announced I was pregnant before we could finish telling family my MIL told everyone. From that point on she was the last person to know anything. When we have another child it’s going to be the same. She’s going to find out when we’re ready for everyone else to know because she always shares our news.

  • Al
    Nov 16, 2018

    Not okay. My mom was the same and has the BEST intentions. However, I told her flat out that although I understand she is so excited to be a grandma and tell her friends, this isn't fair. I am excited to be a first-time mom and it's not her news to share until the parents of the unborn child are ready. We had several miscarriages and I hadn't even told some of my friends before her neighbour or a guy from her gym were sending me FB congrats messages. I know it comes from a good place but it's really not fair to have people I don't know find out before those who are closest to us. She gets it, but I have since had to work really hard to set boundaries about how much of our son she shares on social media. Something that worked for us was setting up a private sharing folder, so she can see all the pics she wants, but our kid's image isn't plastered all over social places for strangers to see. I hope things get better.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 16, 2018

    This is such a great community thank you. I thought I was being dramatic bc I am so fed up with this behavior, but I’m happy to know other moms understand where I’m coming from and agree it’s not ok. This is our second child and she did it with our first as well. Boundaries are very difficult with her and in a backhanded way this may have helped me bc now my husband is finally pissed. It took awhile, he made a lot of excuses, but he’s legit fed up. He’s asked her three times now.

  • Brad
    Nov 16, 2018

    That’s disgusting. Totally disrespecting you. I would tell them that they will no longer be privy to your private matters. That should resonate

  • Katia
    Nov 21, 2018

    So I have a MIL that required us as a married couple to seek counseling. Well our psychologist basically said it’s my fault. It’s my fault because I would share moments and information with her and then she would do things similar to your MIL. Act entitled to the event that it’s hers to share or that she did nothing wrong because this is her moment all the while robbing us of our precious moments in life. She’s already experienced having a wedding and walking down the aisle and having her husband see it for the first time ( she told my husband exactly what my dress looked like after I showed it to her.) she already experienced wedding dress shopping with just her mother, she acted like I was the worst human alive because I also only wanted to dress shop with just my mother and not have her there. She already had a her own baby shower but needed to make a scene at mine when my mother who paid for the whole thing gave the center pieces to people of her choosing. She already had her experience of giving birth and when I said no one is to go down below only to stay at the head of the bed she made a big fuss about how ridiculous I am ( I had a csection, so she actually didn’t ruin this moment for me however had I had a vaginal delivery I’m sure my vagina would be pubic news) anyways the moral of the story is quit sharing with someone who clearly doesn’t care if she’s robbing you of life’s precious joyous moments. It’s your fault. Stop sharing. Trust me life is better this way. Also trust me I’m still very much blamed for everything when it’s not her way but it’s no longer a matter of our experiences being ruined by her. We are enjoying life and living peacefully while she’s still a miserable human. Stop sharing.

  • Erin
    Dec 01, 2018

    Definitely don't share any more pregnancy related information with her, as she has proven she can't be counted on to respect your wishes.

  • Lynn
    Dec 28, 2018

    MIL are PITAs. Mine announced the birth of my daughter on Facebook before I even had a chance to tell my own mom and sisters. And one sister is on her friends list. I do not tell her anything anymore. At all. She can find out when we post or not at all.