Anonymous

Introverted or something more?

I have a 2.5 year old daughter whose been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old. She’s sweet and loving and I always get the nicest reports from her daycare teachers that she’s a “great listener,” “shares well,” etc. she’s also an only child and given the $$ we had to spend on multiple rounds of ivf and my and my husbands advanced age she will probably (99.9%) always be an only child. Her teachers have never indicated anything is behaviorally wrong with her in any way and whenever I take her to well checkups the questions her pediatrician asks and my answers back indicate there’s nothing amiss. However I have noticed that when we go to the playground and there’s lots of kids there she hangs back and prefers to watch rather than engage. Or she wants to play with just me. Which is fine, I love having time with her but I’m wondering if she should be wanting to play with others??? Also in the last couple of days when I’ve logged in to her daycare app to view pics or videos of her day I’ve noticed she’s often off to the side watching others rather than directly engaging in the activity. If it’s a small activity in her classroom she’s doing it but when it includes more than one class or other kids she’s not used to she’s not engaged. Examples, yesterday they had their normal monthly song and dance festival where a musician comes in and plays music and sings and signs with the kids. In the pic they uploaded she’s off to the side with the teacher between her and the crowd just watching. Then in the video you see all the children from the three twos classrooms dancing and jumping and singing but my daughter is standing to the side just watching. Then today they had an indoor soccer experience class. So basically some soccer coach comes in and the kids kick balls into goals or whatever. In the videos posted my daughter is sitting and watching all the kids kicking soccer balls but she’s not participating. I plan to discuss with her teachers tonight at pickup but the end of the day can be so hectic and sometimes her main teachers aren’t available to talk at that point. I’ll try to discuss in the morning if I can’t today. Anyway I just wanted to know if this behavior seems off or wrong to any of you?? She hardly ever complains about school and is usually very positive about going and she speaks happily and contentedly of her teachers and friends.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 16

    I should follow up and say that I’d also label myself as an overall introvert. I can certainly be outgoing and will chat your ear off but would prefer to be at home with a good book. My husband is similar. So maybe she’s just like us!?!

  • Tiana
    Jan 16

    Don’t worry. If there is nothing else amiss, just attribute it to her personality. We can’t all be social butterflies all the time. So many benefits to having a more reserved child. She is probably not used to the commotion of many kids, being an only child, and that’s totally fine.

  • Ali
    Jan 17

    My son was (and still is) very much like this. He has one good friend and his cousins. It can be hard to watch but that is just who he is. I found a book called the highly sensitive child which explained a lot about my son. It may be helpful for your daughter.

  • Momof2
    Jan 18

    The behavior you are describing sounds a lot like my daughter who is four and in preschool doing very similar things like standing on the sidelines and watching. The teachers are a little concerned but thinks it’s probably just her personality.they’re going to have an expert come in observe her during class time and then give the teachers and us suggestions on how to support her so she feels comfortable at school. I can keep you updated on what the expert recommended for us and maybe some of those tips will help your child as well? Also her teachers just talked to us about this a couple weeks ago and since then we have been trying to talk to our daughter at home about how she feels about school. She was hardly even talking to the teachers (and she is a super verbal child at home), so we have just been encouraging her to tell her teachers one thing about herself every day. The teachers have noticed a difference since we have started doing that. They also sent us home with some tools from the classroom to help her learn to talk about her feelings more. I definitely think talking to the teachers is a good idea but hear your concerns about how hectic it is at pick up. I would schedule a private meeting with them when your daughter is not there so you can both talk openly about what’s going on without having to worry about your daughter feeling bad about her behavior because it’s probably just her personality.

  • Tom
    Jan 20

    Momof2 I too am interested in any material or activities that help kids feel more comfortable in social settings be it school or extracurricular activities if anyone is willing to share such. My kids are 6, 4, and 2. So some things seem over the head of the younger ones, but we want to get a jump start. Additionally I coach soccer which has been great on getting everyone involved, but I would like to learn more. Particularly along the lines of strategies to get particularly introverted kids more relaxed with garnering attention. Thank you very much.

  • Momof2
    Jan 22

    I will share on this post once I get recommendations.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    Sounds exactly like me as a child, It could be ADD which isn't the same as introverted personality and is a type of inattentive ADHD.

  • Momof2
    Feb 21

    Hey all! My daughter was evaluated at preschool and we met with the evaluater this week. I said I would share after she was evaluated so here is what he said: He feels like it’s just her personality and that it’s going to take her a long time to warm up to social settings. He encouraged us not to push her too much because that will probably make her retreat more. He Thinks she will likely learn to express her self more through writing eventually and maybe through art, As opposed to expressing herself verbally, so we will encourage those activities for her. She continues to make progress at school though. Although she still doesn’t participate in most activities her teacher said she has been interacting more with other kids Than she was previously. The evaluator will meet with the teachers this week and see if they think further intervention is required. If they offer any other recommendations I will share.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 22

    So glad to hear it!! Thank you for updating