Posted in Making Friends, Relationships, Tips & Hacks

“It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out.”

Hi all! So I realize my daughter is only 15 months old and I have time to work on this but it’s been on my mind so here goes. How do parents of older children do it!?! I think about my years in junior high and high school and I don’t want that for my daughter. The angst of not being in the popular group. The angst of not being a perfect size 2. The crushing feeling of being turned down the first time I got enough nerve to ask a boy out. The awfulness of my first heartache. I’m not saying it was as all bad. I was never truly bullied. I was a decent student and am a successful adult. But those teen years were brutal. How do you navigate your kids through them? Any success stories or what-not-to-do tips!!??

  • Michaela
    Dec 05, 2018

    This is one of my biggest fears, too! I had an awful time in middle school into high school and I’m actually thankful I had a boy for this reason (though they come with their own set of stressors). Just from personal experience I wish my mom had been way more open with my about personal things. She never really talked to me about my period and never ever talked to me about sex because those things make her uncomfortable, and it had a truly negative effect on me. So my suggestion is just be really open and honest with your daughter, especially about those things!

  • Kieli
    Dec 05, 2018

    I was bullied mostly through social media, so I’m going to phone monitor the best I can and try and be there for her. Let her know that she can talk to me about things going on and that I’m always there to listen and give my best advice. I also want to teach her to have a back bone and not let people get away with saying mean things or doing mean things to anybody not just to her. I didn’t say anything or stand up for myself. I ended up leaving that town before my senior year ended and deleted all social media (this is the only social app I have now). I don’t want my daughter to run from her problems like I did

  • Amanda
    Dec 05, 2018

    I loved school and enjoyed it. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Doesn’t mean they liked me but I didn’t care. I have never been concerned about what others thought of me or said about me. So I’m raising my kids to not be upset when others say something or do something. To just worry about urself and be kind and thoughtful of others. I don’t sugar coat anything. My kids ask me stuff I give them adult answers. It is a lot harder nowadays raising children in teen yr because so many kids these days are not taught to be nice and respect others. I have a 16yr old boy, 15yr old girl, 2-14yr old boys, 13yr old boy, 11yr old girl and then a 6month old girl. I have always been open about anything and everything with my kids and have told them I’m always on ur side until u lie to me. So far so good. We have had some issues with some behavior problems but they are kids and are still learning. I would just talk to your kids all the time and don’t freak out on them if they tell you something you don’t like. Just talk it over with them.

  • Julie
    Dec 05, 2018

    Michaela, thank you for responding! My mom and dad were both very nurturing and kind and always talked to me and wanted me to talk to them and I mostly did until I reached JR high and high school. I think something happened to shake my confidence in myself and for whatever reason I stopped wanting to talk to them and confide in them....I’m so worried something similar will happen with my own daughter. I just have to keep a constant open line of communication and involvement with her and that should hopefully help. Thank you for writing and sharing, it was helpful!! Kieli, I’m so sorry to hear that:(. This is really going to show my age but social media didn’t exist when I was in high school!! I actually remember starting college and getting a paper letter in my student mailbox explaining step by step how I could go to the library resource room and sign up for my own student email address but that it would cost $20 a semester to have it!! So I just stuck with my own hotmail account until my sophomore year when student emails were free. It’s crazy how things have changed so much. I’m not sure how I would have dealt with high school if I’d had MySpace or Facebook. I think it would have been a lot tougher. I also only have this and LinkedIn accounts and I’m more than happy with that. I will definitely monitor my daughters online presence when the time comes. And I agree that learning how to stand up for yourself is so important. Thanks again!! Amanda, thanks for your response as well. I went to a very small and rural high school and everyone knew me as well. I was never directly bullied in any way that I can recall, but I did find those years to be unbelievably awkward and hard. It’s great that you’re raising such confident children. I’m also a product of a large family (youngest of 10), and all my older siblings tell me they had experiences similar to what you describe. I’m not exactly sure where things went wrong with me but I found those years to be so difficult. I felt lonely a lot and while I didn’t necessarily care what people said about me I definitely wanted to be liked and I struggled to find a group of friends where I fit in. Thanks for your perspective, I hope those years are as easy for my daughter as they were for you.

  • Lily
    Dec 05, 2018

    All that stuff is part becoming your own person, and the teenager years suck! But I think a really important thing is that your kid feel like they talk to you about things. My parents were pretty good until I got a boyfriend at 17 that they didn’t like. Whole long story.....but they kicked me out at 18. And I haven’t talked to them since. I tried to reconnect when I got pregnant, but they wanted nothing to do with my baby. So I would your kid....even if it’s something you don’t like. Tell them that, but make sure they always know they can come home. Because I don’t feel that from my parents and it’s really hard