Anonymous

Just found out I’m having twins...

Anyone having or have twins before? I have a 16 month old and just found out I’m expecting twins for his birthday. I’m kind of terrified I won’t be able to handle it. Children are a blessing and I’m happy but scared. Any advice or anyone else in the same boat?

  • Deanna
    Jan 11

    I’ve got 16-month-old twins... There are usually parents of multiples groups in local areas that you can find online—they are great resources! Do a search on Facebook. You’ll be fine, especially with already having “practiced” on your older child. You’ll definitely need help, especially the first 6-9 months. If you have family near you, don’t be shy about about asking for help. Enjoy your twins!

  • Alexis
    Jan 11

    I have twins they are 2 now

  • Alexis
    Jan 11

    You will be okay always have them on the same schedule so you have rest time or time your 2 year old

  • Elizabeth
    Jan 12

    I have a 3 year old, an 18 month old and 7 month old twins. It definitely gets tough at times. My patience seems very thin some days. But I'm also a single mom with very little to no help. Sleep feels like a thing of the past for me. Somehow we are making it though. All 4 of my babies are happy, well behaved, and we have plenty of love to share. Expect for your 16 month old to have a lot of jealousy at first. And from my experience it will get very tough. My oldest had a lot of meltdowns right after I had my 2nd. Now they are literally inseparable. Push through and just know there is light at the end. I won't tell you it's gonna be easy - because it's not - but it's so rewarding. Just wait until you get those hugs and kisses and "I love yous". That's the best part. I feel like every bit of stress leaves when one of my babies comes over to me just to be picked up and held, or just wants a kiss and then they wanna run away and play. You can do it. I have. I'm 31 years old and adjusting to life as a mom at my age hasn't been an easy transition. I was always the crazy party girl, loved to be in the streets, fight everyone, all that. I was very srt in my ways, or so i thought. Now that I've got kids I'm a completely different person. They made me change - and definitely for the better. I owe my life to my kids.

  • A
    Jan 13

    You can do it!! I have 2.5yr old twins. There are definitely rough times but you ll figure it out. I agree with the suggestion to look for local twins groups.

  • Amanda
    Jan 13

    I have 14 yo twin girls.

  • Emily
    Jan 15

    I have 4 year old twins and the best advice is to keep them on a schedule and on the same schedule. It’s imperative for your sanity and will keep them happier too. We did eat, sleep, play (or just awake/tummy time in the very beginning) in that order (instead of play, eat, sleep) so that they didn’t associate having to eat right before falling asleep and I think that made them better sleepers from the beginning. Be aware though that this means they will want to eat the moment they wake up. Get any and all help you can in the first six months especially. If you can’t breastfeed, don’t worry about it. Feeding took a full hour and that begins every 3 hours (for the first several months) so do the math and that means very little sleep. If breastfeeding works for you, great! If not, they’ll be fine. My pediatrician has twins and said his wife only breastfed six weeks or so before she had to give it up and it was no big deal. Remember that whatever bizarre phase you are going through (like when mine always slept well but then refused to sleep for a random two week period) only feels like it will be that way forever. Just push through and in a week or so it will be different.

  • Nicole
    Jan 15

    I have a 2-1/2 year old boy and 4 month old twin boys. I had the same feelings when I found out I was having twins. It is hard, I'm not going to lie, but honestly not as bad as I had expected. I thought it'd be complete chaos and though I'm home with all 3 of them all day it generally is only chaos a couple hours a day, most of the time it's ok. I thought I'd tandem nurse them but ended up exclusively pumping for many reasons and it has worked out really nicely. I even overproduce so have donated almost 1,000 oz to babies in need over the past few months. I know everyone says to keep them on a schedule but so far I've found they don't take well to that and I just go with things as they happen. I tried the schedule thing and it just stressed me out. Maybe as they get older a schedule will make more sense. I'm no expert but feel free to message me if you have any questions on logistics or what has worked for us so far. It's a lot of survival mode but we're getting through it. Now that they're smiling and cooing things are getting sweeter :)

  • Anonymous
    Jan 15

    Thanks Nicole and everyone else ! I’m glad to have some people going through the same thing. Is there any twin specific baby gear you found to be essential? Also what stroller do you use for the three kids? Was anyone able to have a vaginal birth ? Was anyone able to carry their twins full term? Was anyone able to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months or is it just impossible?Also do you all remember when you found out what type of twins you were having? At my 6 week scan the dr said they appear to be mono mono but that it may be too early to tell...

  • Anonymous
    Jan 15

    Nicole how is your son handling sharing mom with his new siblings?

  • Lmvanrens
    Jan 15

    I have an almost 4 year old, 2 yr old and 4 month twins. I will say a lot is going to depend on your babies’ personalities. My first born was a super mellow baby and my second was super colicky. The twins are on the easier side of the spectrum, so that has made things easier than I was expecting (not to say it’s easy). I am also not on a schedule- it works great for some though- so don’t stress out about following any sort of advice if it doesn’t work for your babies. The hardest part for me was feeling guilty about not having as much one on one bonding and snuggling time as I did with my other 2. As far as gear, if you want to tandem breastfeed I’d recommend the breastfriend twin pillow. I also have the twin z, which is great to just lay them on and to bottle feed. I’d recommend one of the twin snap in strollers, and possibly a stroller board for your older one to stand on.

  • Nicole
    Jan 16

    My son had a hard time at first with his new siblings but has gotten much better. At first he was randomly hitting them and screaming at them but now he likes to lay on the floor between them and hold their hands. It's a hard adjustment to go from being an only child to having twins that take most of mom and dad's time. I delivered mine via c-section at 36 weeks due to preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. One was in the NICU for 6 days and the other didn't need any NICU time. I had MoDi twins which means they were in their own sac but shared a placenta. There are MoDi and MoMo (like you may be having) groups on Facebook that are full of a lot of information. Be sure that you are seeing a specialist (Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor or Prenatal Physician) on top of seeing your OB. MoMo twins are more high risk than MoDi like I had so you may have even more appointments than I did. I had biweekly ultrasounds from weeks 14-32 then weekly ultrasounds and other tests from then on. Also had two echocardiograms for the babies. All of that said, I didn't have any complications until the end so that many appointments was just standard procedure but I had to ask my OB to be referred to a specialist because he didn't know he was supposed to do it on his own. With MoDi twins it's recommended to deliver by 36 weeks and 6 days due to the high risk of the placenta breaking down after that and stillbirth. I'm not sure what the rule is for MoMo twins, I'm guessing sooner? I don't have any twin specific gear besides the Dinner for Two which I use once in a while but assume will become more useful in the future. I also have a twin breastfeeding pillow that I never used since I exclusively pump. We considered getting a triple stroller but my oldest loves to walk and the triple ones we saw were either massive or really expensive so just got a double stroller for the babies and he happily walks beside them. I have heard in my twin Facebook groups that many women do deliver vaginally and exclusively breastfeed as long as they'd like. It all depends on your body :) Good luck! You got this!! :)

  • Julie
    Jan 16

    Hi, my di-di twins are 3 today and it does get easier but don't listen to those who say in 6 mths or 1 yr, it's a lot longer than that! I don't have any other kids but my neighbour had twins as #3 and 4 and one thing I noticed is that it's easier and harder at once. Having that extra hand to entertain or give a soother or toy can be a gift at times. Her older ones have adjusted well I think because they try to give one on one time to each. Definitely look into multiples groups, great for info, support, ideas, sales of items and a nonjudgmental ear. Also, biggest thing I would say is be ready to be more flexible with your own ideas and standards (like cosleeping, formula, soothers, cleaning or trying to do "educational-good-parent" stuff), a lot is about survival. PLEASE, be aware that perinatal mood disorders are 20% more common in families with multiples, get support now and later if needed. As for gear, the moment I got home from hospital I made my sister go buy a breastfriend pillow... can you say eat steak dinner with family while tandem feeding ;-) just make sure you try it where you will feed a lot (not all rocking chairs will work cuz of the arms). Also, start shopping around now for strollers, I have city select but I know lots who prefer side by side. Go with a boogie board for your older one. Also, if you elected to skip the bucket car seat and went for a convertible, get buckets... Much easier logistically! Every pregnancy is different, I was great the whole time, worked and went to Zumba til 37 wks, induced at 38, baby A @ 6.2 lbs born vag and baby B (who was just too comfy in there!) @ 7.1 lbs born by c sect 3 hours later! BF tandem almost right from get go, saw lactation consultants more for tips and reassurance, but then exclusively BF til 18 mths. I didn't pump much so I had to pay for it by feeding 2 monsters for 45 mins every 3 hours... And to all of you who hate me right now, don't worry I paid for it with 2 very active and demanding babies who napped only 30 mins at time until 15 mths (6 naps/day!) and woke up 2-3x a night til 18 mths! Key message from all of this, start going with the flow and good luck!

  • A
    Jan 17

    Thinking of more advice - Don’t beat yourself up about anything do whatever you figure out works for you! I felt SO guilty about only breastfeeding for 3months and even in those 3 months they were supplemented with formula. But guess what?! They are completely fine healthy kiddos. My twins are also ... probably not the norm in that they are just TWO completely different humans. That combined with my whacky work schedule(I’m a nurse with shift work) ... it was really hard to keep them on they same schedule. We tried ... we really did. And I’m sure it would have been super helpful if we could have managed it but again it just didn’t work for us. We called in family reinforcements- took “shifts” at night and again we all survived. For me in the beginning I took everyone’s advice and “what you re suppose to do” too seriously and it just added extra stress to my life that wasn’t necessary. I finally decided that with twins you re allowed to “cheat,” a little bit ... which means not always doing everything how the books say. 😂 I agree that you will be SO much better off in the fact that you ve had “practice” with your older one. Going from zero to two was a little bit of a culture shock. Hahaha

  • A
    Jan 17

    As far as gear - I love my jogging stroller - tons of onesies, burp clothes and bottles - I really felt like the swings and bouncers and stuff were necessary because you re always needing to put one of them down somewhere. I just used 2 boppy pillows. Since breastfeeding didn’t go super well for us - I would just sit them in the boppy pillows on each side of me and bottle feed ... or hold one and have the other in a boppy. In the beginning I actually would do this and “pump” at the same time, in a ridiculous attempt to get my supply up. I made it to 37wks - my obgyn was only going to let me go to 38. We were in the NICU for a week with no major issues. Also, my body actually bounced back pretty well. It’s amazing what our bodies can do. Just throwing that out there because I remember being vainly worried about that when I was pregnant. Ok I’m done rambling.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 17

    I will have to be home with the babies since the twins will make three under school age for us and we can’t afford to spend 4500 a month on daycare. I’m afraid I’ll lose it. I babysat my nephew while I was on maternity leave with my son and they are a few weeks apart. It was a nightmare and he went home at the end of the day. I’m definitely sad about knowing I won’t be able to give any of the kids the time my son used to get. I breastfed my son until 16 months and had a vaginal unmedicated birth. I’m terrified of getting an epidural or having a c section. I’m happy and I’ll love the babies don’t get me wrong but no one in the family especially my husband seems to understand my concerns. He keeps saying things like it’ll be fun cause we’ll both get to hold a baby this time and it’s like yeah for like 2 weeks until you go back to work and I’m alone with them. And he won’t help at night because he feels like he needs rest because he goes to work and I can nap whenever I want at home. He says he’ll help but I know he won’t. He doesn’t help at night with my son now or when he was little. He can’t handle the crying and my son isn’t a good sleeper. My sil baby went to nicu and it took 4 months before her son was able to breastfeed. I also have no idea where to put them. Our bedroom is upstairs and our son’s is across from us. The other bedrooms are downstairs. I was wondering if I should put a room for them downstairs and have two bassinets in our room or if I should just put beds for all three in the room next to us and put the other furniture downstairs. My son won’t be able to be downstairs alone. I’m afraid the babies will wake him if they all sleep in same room and then I’ll have 3 crying all night.

  • Nicole
    Jan 18

    Anonymous I had a lot of the same concerns you do. I'm a stay at home mom as well, partially due to daycare being so expensive. I feel bad that I don't spend as much time with my older son but he does love to help around the house and has grown to love his brothers. I'm sure once they can play with him he'll be even more excited. Our house has two bedrooms up and two down. My older son is in the bedroom next to us and we have the twins in our room in bassinets next to each other. It's not ideal and honestly we're trying to sell our house right now to get a house with 4 bedrooms on one floor and it's super stressful but I don't want my older son downstairs and I also didn't feel I could handle the stress of moving when pregnant because I was afraid the stress would cause me to miscarry. That's just me though. I am really lucky in that my husband sleeps in our room upstairs with the twins and I sleep in the spare room downstairs and just get up once a night to pump. I can't sleep through all of their grunts and when I used to sleep up there with them I never got any sleep whatsoever which made me a horrible SAHM. My singleton didn't sleep well until he was 18 months old so I know what it's like to be sleep deprived but sleeping in the same room with the twins I seriously got about an hour of sleep a night. Anyway, luckily my husband is willing to do that, doesn't require as much sleep as me and can sleep through the grunts but wakes for the cries. That's another perk of exclusively pumping as well that he can take over overnight. I breastfed my singleton for 21 months until I was 2 months pregnant with the twins. It was really hard for me at first to not breastfeed the twins but between being preemies, one in the NICU, and them having difficulty latching it just wasn't in the cards. Come to find out they both had tongue and lip ties that had to be corrected with a laser at 2 months old which is why they couldn't latch well and why they had horrible reflux for the first two months. Regarding sleeping arrangements, I've thought about all three boys in one room too and I have the same fears you do. I'm hoping we can get our house ready to be sold and into our new house before the babies outgrow their bassinets but we'll see. Sadly it might not turn out that way. Another thing you could do is have the babies in bassinets in the living room if it's on the same floor as you and leave the bedroom door open. We thought about that though we have a cat and we're worried she'd jump into a bassinet so that wasn't an option for us. Right now the babies sleep in our room overnight in their bassinets but nap much of the day in their bouncers in the living room. It's good to get them used to sleeping through noise. I didn't do that with my singleton and I think that's part of why he was always such a bad sleeper. Eventually I'll have them take naps in their bassinets but it just works out this way for now. I remember what it's like to be where you're at right now so well since I was there just about a year ago. So scary, so many questions, so many fears. Try to relax as much as you can, try to do what you can now while you aren't massive (my belly was measuring full term from 28 weeks on...I was SOOOO miserable and could barely do anything for months) and find support on places like Winnie here or Facebook groups of twins. It really helps. Just don't get too caught up in the horror stories because most ppl post when they have concerns. Doesn't mean every pregnancy will have complications as long as you go to your biweekly appointments and all of that. Good luck!