Anonymous

"Looks like you got your hands full!" "Busy Lady"

I need your advice, virtual hugs and support before I snap at somebody... Every morning I go on a fast paced walk with my 14 month old in the stroller and my two well behaved dogs. It doesn't fail that at least one person will make a comment about me having my hands full, buying a busy lady, and other variations of the same comment. WTF! This makes me feel bad, self-conscious and uncomfortable. Why is it so wrong to multitask? My dogs are high energy and I use these walks to help burn some of that so they don't destroy our house (along with my toddler). I use the walks as me time cause even though my son is with me, he is calm and I can enjoy a relaxing walk. Plus, it's also good exercise and I walk 2+ miles. Have any of you gotten these BS comments? What have you done about them? Sigh 🙄... Rant over...

  • Anonymous
    Jul 29, 2018

    I don't think people are criticizing you all. Maybe your reading into it too much?

  • Dorothy
    Jul 29, 2018

    Want to give you a hug! It’s ok to be reactive to these comments, we feel what we feel. Yet noticing you feel this way probably is a signal that you unconsciously judges yourself or question yourself on these things. This is how and why we get triggered by an external event. As someone said before, we can choose to react differently and not care as much, but it’s extremely hard to do. Give yourself a big hug and know you are an awesome mom is the best antidote to letting those comments get you down. :)

  • Elle
    Jul 30, 2018

    No, you're not being too sensitive. Other ppl arent interacting with you as smartly or as politely as they should. Perhaps they mean to. Perhaps they don't. Perhaps they have never been in your shoes or just have never been shown how to interact better. Regardless, it's an opportunity to gently, politely, but pointedly correct them. It's how we all learn. Any way you choose to do it is fine (so long as it isn't assymetric / uncalled for). Honestly is great, I find. It is very effective to say something to the effect of "Wow, I am really enjoying this time outdoors with my family, but comments like that can really bring me down a notch /hurt." Don't say it in a mean way, but definutely say only that, stop, look at them, and wait quietly for them to reply. I'm sure they'll apologize. I guarantee that the majority of people in that situation will spend the rest of their walk reflecting on the effect of their words. Which is a good thing for everyone, I think.

  • Kristin
    Jul 30, 2018

    I get it and it happens to me too. Those morning walks with the baby and pups were my version of “me time”. My favorite part of the day. Don’t let them get in your head. Put on earphones, avoid eye contact and hopefully you can minimize the comments. I am sure they mean well but it doesn’t mean you have to listen to them.

  • Amanda
    Jul 30, 2018

    Definitely take it as a compliment. I’m always so impressed with people like you. People with multiple children and/or people with a child and a dog. It also shows that you’re not only a great mom but also a great pet owner. It’s good to get your pets out to let off the energy. You do you girl. Don’t let it get to you.

  • Lindsey
    Jul 30, 2018

    I never really thought about it. I kinda always thought people were impressed I could handle all three kids and grocery shop or do whatever we are doing. I think that’s how you should try to take it... if I wasn’t in my position I would be impressed..😊

  • Megan
    Jul 30, 2018

    I just want to say, because I think this is so important for women and mothers to embrace: what people think of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. How could they possibly be commenting on YOU? They don’t know the first thing about you. My mom told me in 8th grade that people’s opinion of you is a reflection on how they view themselves. It’s the one idea that changed how I live my life. So when someone comes up to you and you feel like they’re questioning your ability to handle your business, they’re really commenting on their belief that THEY could not handle what you are handling. Given that, my philosophy is that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. It has nothing to do with me. You think I’m lame for giving up my job to stay home with my kid? BONK. I LOVE IT. No skin off my back. You judging me for giving up on cloth diapers after 4 months? BONK. Unless you’re doing my laundry and holding my kid still enough to snap a bajillion snaps, you don’t have anything valid to add here. People are going to be offering unsolicited advice and opinions, especially when you have kids and dwelling on it only affects YOU, not them. Which is silly because, again, their comment has nothing to do with you. Do YOU feel like your load is too large? Do YOU feel stressed about walking dogs and a baby? Sounds to me like you are meeting everyone’s needs and enjoying it. We’ve all got to release ourselves from the expectations of others, and that means changing how you react to these situations, because you truly can’t change other people. Lastly I’d like to say that 99% of people who make this comment are older people and most of them, if they are engaging with you, very likely miss having their hands full. They’ve probably got preteens who are mean to them or are empty nesters. I used to be bothered when people told me to “enjoy this time, they’re only little once”. Like, am I not allowed to be tired? Does this mean I don’t love my kid? But again, their comment isn’t about me and it’s pretty easy to see that they think back to those days and miss them.

  • Kay
    Jul 30, 2018

    Wow--i always try and say something nice or positive as I pass people. I feel like I'm recognizing that they're crushing it as a previous poster wrote. It never crossed my mind that some peoe may rake offense! Good to know. I always feel the need to make eye contact and make some sort of greeting, otherwise it feels lonely out there!

  • Amanda
    Jul 31, 2018

    I honestly think this is people's way of recognizing how hard you are working as a mom and trying to give you a compliment, not at all an insult. I think we are all trying to be more aware of supporting one another as mothers and are simply trying to stop and say something kind, they are trying to let you know that you are awesome and crushing it, as others said! Take this as a huge compliment :) If anyone means to say otherwise, that's their problem!

  • Anonymous
    Jul 31, 2018

    I sincerely appreciate all of your comments and feedback. I think this made me realize a cultural difference. When I moved to Georgia from South Florida I noticed that people smiled, opened it held doors open and we're generally nice! Whoa what a culture shock that was! I guess this is part of people trying to be friendly the only way they know how and it's weird to me lol Again, thank you everyone!

  • Victoria
    Jul 31, 2018

    Girl !! Sending love ❤️ I get the same comments everyday, when I walk my daughter and my 2 dogs every morning. One time someone asked if I was a nanny and how much I charged for dog walking and childcare. I laugh and let them know it was my child and dogs. Usually I just smile, but it is so annoying how much strangers comment, but they don’t make any effort to stay out of your way. I’m always the one having move out of people way, why not move out of the way of mother with her hands full?

  • Melissa
    Jul 31, 2018

    I do that also, I’ve heard some comments but then I don’t say anything back or act like I didn’t hear them 🤣 don’t let it get to you and you bet your ass we are busy Mama’s! 😉

  • Patricia
    Aug 02, 2018

    I try to reply “it’s so worth it” or “I am loving it” or “it’s a good life” or something like that :) helps me and the kids feel good about it and generally the other person agrees.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 02, 2018

    Honestly, you sound very insecure and worried about what other people think. I agree, most are just complimenting, but if you want no interaction, then wear sunglasses, a hat and earphones. You need to thicken your skin up. He’s only 14 months old....it hasn’t even begun yet!

  • Janet
    Aug 02, 2018

    I saw one that said if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart 😍

  • Lucy Kent
    Aug 02, 2018

    I always thought of these comments as coming from a place of either admiration or solidarity. That said, it always gives a little more pride and puts a spring in my step. Since we can't know for sure what their meaning, maybe try to look at those comments from this perspective. I find it hard to believe that so many ppl would try to demean your efforts when you're obviously doing a marvelous job. You do you girl!

  • Omaira
    Aug 02, 2018

    i agree with Lucy Kent. i get those comments all the tome. i have 3 kids and my youngest is 1.9. I go on runs at my local park trail with my 2 girls (6 & 10)on their bike, my chihuahua and my son on the stroller. i feel like its a compliment since its an obvious fact to me that my hands ARE full but i am a good multitasker.

  • Christina Goosby
    Sep 11, 2018

    I believe they are using it as an ice breaker. Maybe they really admire the way you are able to multitask. And are speaking their thoughts out loud. I really do commend you! That's awesome the way you are able to handle the baby and the dogs. Most people cannot handle just one child, but you have the dogs tagging along too! So, don't be offended, but take it as a compliment. Hats off to you Momma😉

  • Jenn
    Nov 07

    I alternate my responses between: “Useless statements really elevate the situation. Unless you want to offer a hand, please keep your comments to yourself. Thanks. Bye.” Or “That was super helpful, would you like to help? No? Bye then.”