Posted in Child Care, Toddlers

Male daycare teacher?

Anonymous

Hi everyone. I’m just looking for advice. My toddler is about to transition to a new room at her daycare and the main/head teacher in her room is male. She is 16 months old and can’t really talk yet. I’m not sure why but I feel uncomfortable about this. I realize it is sexist, but I do not like the idea of a male I don’t know changing my daughters diaper. I went to introduce myself to him and he acted distracted and kind of blew me off. It was during nap time so he wasn’t occupied with children. I wasn’t talking loudly either. I guess I’m looking for advice, either from other parents who have kids in daycare or from daycare teachers. Will I look like a jerk if I tell the director I want her to go to a different room?? Thank you for your help.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    Statistically, most abuse is by close family members. If you feel uncomfortable do what you need to. But in the end a male teacher is no more dangerous than a female. The daycare should have steps in place to make sure no one can behave improperly. Like no kids alone with one teacher.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    Thank you, Lauren. I agree that it’s important for me as her parent to be comfortable while I’m separated from her. Up until now that’s always been the case and I’ll feel better if she’s not in a male teachers care until she’s older and can talk. Andrea, I appreciate your reply. My daycare also does extensive background checks. That’s honestly not the issue, I doubt that they would employ anyone who didn’t pass a background check. I realize that this is an extreme example, but Larry Nassar also passed background checks. Many of his abusers testified that he abused him while other adults were in the same room. I do not feel comfortable leaving her alone with a male teacher at such a young age. When she can express herself verbally ill be more willing. There are also two head preschool teachers at her center. Once she’s that age if she’s put in their class I won’t worry as much. Brianne, I am sure I am overthinking. I don’t doubt that my own history is clouding my judgment, as it does with everyone. I am sorry your husband faces judgment and criticism, that sucks. I won’t be as concerned once my daughter is older and can verbally express herself.

  • Brad
    Dec 04

    If YOU feel uncomfortable putting trust in someone who will be with your baby and has access to their private areas no matter the gender, don't be afraid to speak up or find someone whom you're comfortable with. If your parental alarm is sounding, you have every right to keep your child safe even if you can't pinpoint the exact issue or at the risk of possibly offending someone. I hope you find a good fit for you and your daughter!

  • Priscilla
    Dec 04

    Disagree with advice that you should consider further why you’re feeling like this before making a decision. Your feelings are 100% valid, whether they seem reasonable to others or not. Do not doubt yourself for a second. I would feel the same way with my boys and I would request a room change, simply because of my preference. Nope, I won’t apologize for my preference and what I feel would be better for my kids. Coming off like a jerk is the least of my concerns when it comes to them. Don’t doubt yourself. It’s not easy being a parent these days, the least we can do is follow our own instincts!

  • Ashlie
    Dec 04

    If you're uncomfortable with a male teacher you can ask to have her put in a different class with female teacher and you can always run a background check on by yourself it will cost you some money but you do want to know who is around your baby

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    Thank you, Brad and Priscilla. I am planning to discuss with the director today when I go to pick her up. She’s not supposed to transition until the first half of January so they have time to rearrange. Overall, I realize that my past history may be coming into play but why wouldn’t it?? In any case, I already had her changed from her first infant room after being in there for a week because something didn’t sit right for me with that head teacher. 2 months after they switched her, that head teacher (who was female) was fired for screaming at crying babies to shut up, so my feelings were validated. I honestly don’t care if I’m 1000% wrong about the male toddler teacher. If I don’t like something then why not speak up, right? Also I don’t remember who said it, but being blown off by the teacher who is about to spend 8.5 hours a day with my child is a huge red flag for me. I have talked to a lot of teachers at her center and they’ve never blown me off or acted like they just didn’t give an F about me. So I do see it as a problem, maybe it doesn’t mean he’s going to abuse my child but will he try hard to understand her? Will he work to develop her? Or will he disregard her as well?? Of course I’m being dramatic about it now, but she’s my daughter. I’m her mom.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    Thank you, Ashlie!!

  • Ashlie
    Dec 04

    They should have video cameras in the room and nothing abstract obstructing the view of the cameras I used to work at mother's helper daycare

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    There are no video cameras, but several parents have suggested this. There are huge windows in each room facing the hall with nothing obstructing the view and there’s an app where they send updates and pics throughout the day. The daycare is very good. I’m just trying to navigate this next room change:).

  • Tashaya
    Dec 04

    I’m a preschool teacher and I’ll be honest some of the best teachers I’ve seen are male. My friend is male and we worked together and the kids in the whole center loooved him to pieces. Now I will admit that he was the 4s teacher so he wasn’t changing diapers but if he was put in the baby room I’d trust him with my 5 month old. I really do think you should try to talk to him one on one. See if your director can set aside some free time where he can come out the classroom and actually talk to you. I don’t know this man but I am hoping that his passion for teaching young children is why he’s really there and not something else. At the end of the day go with your gut.

  • MayBeth
    Dec 04

    Just ask for a female to change her diaper you and her have that right. Just like females can ask for female care in nursing homes etc

  • Blake
    Dec 04

    Male or not.. If you're not comfortable with it find a way to change the situation, ask for female staff to handle diaper changes or switch rooms or daycares. Follow your mommy instincts. Don't worry what other people think of it, it's your baby!

  • Dulce
    Dec 04

    I’ve never heard of a male preschool teacher in my area. Even my church didn’t allowed males in the nursery and preschool rooms. Me, personally wouldn’t put my children with a male teacher being so young

  • Christy
    Dec 04

    As someone who was also sexually abused as a child, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either. It isn't sexist, but an action you feel necessary by a reflection of your own experience and mistrust of the past. I just wanted to validate your feelings and actions from one abused mother to another. It is tough raising a child with a past such as ours. Constantly looking over your shoulders, fearful someone might do the same abuse to your child as was done unto you. No one will understand yours actions; but it doesn't matter when you are protecting your child. Better safe than sorry - no matter the reason! Even his "brushing you off" would have me feel me at unease. You are right to move her to a different room.

  • Anna
    Dec 05

    You should feel comfortable, period. Even if it were a female provider, if someone blew me off, I wouldn’t feel good about it. It is totally okay to ask for a different room, you are not a jerk.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 05

    Just an update, the director changed the classroom assignment immediately, no questions asked. I didn’t have to justify myself at all, I just said, “I’d like to talk about a different room for (daughters name). Overall I don’t feel comfortable with the next room assignment.” And she said, “okay. Your comfort and peace of mind is so important while you’re separated from your child. You don’t need to say another word, I will look at the scheduling and reassign her by the end of this week.” So it’s done and I feel much better. Thank you everyone for your feedback, I truly appreciate each and every one of your comments!!

  • Brad
    Dec 05

    So glad to hear they were understanding and didn't prod at you for reasons. I'm sure you're not the only parent they've spoken with about changing rooms for one reason or another. I'm happy to hear you're more at ease!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 10

    You are not alone. I would feel uncomfortable as well. Trust your instincts. And talk to the director.