Posted in Marriage & Partnership

Married and crushing

Anonymous

I met someone at work and was asked out. I declined but I was attracted to this guy although it is not someone I would ever date because... 1.). I am married 2.) he is a “bad boy” 3.) I am married I didn’t tell my husband and won’t see this guy again. Despite all of this I have been completely fixated on the guy/situation. It makes me feel like a bad wife or like something is really wrong in my marriage to be so hung up on getting another guy’s attention. Has anyone else felt similar?

  • Anonymous
    Oct 08

    You are not alone. Been with my partner 11+ years now and i'll admit he's not trying nearly as hard as in the early years, and this same thing has happened to me.... it's natural to get excited when you get the extra attention, especially if it's something you've been lacking (and more excitement if the guy is hot!! lol!!) ... sometimes we just have body chemistry we can't deny but it doesn't necessarily mean anything.... you are not a bad person. We all want to feel attractive and wanted... Maybe it's a signal that you and husband need to reignite the spark. try to set up some date nights and redirect that energy towards your husband.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Op here. Thanks for your input! You are completely right, I need to redirect the energy. It is hard b/c my husband is not putting in much effort either (we do two or three date nights a year usually related to his work). I more often feel like the maid/cook/finance handler/nanny to my husband rather than his partner/friend/lover. It was nice to have someone see me as a whole person rather than who I am relative to their immediate need.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Oh yes, you definitely need more date nights, 1 per month at least and not related to his work. It would be so worth it to outsource any chore/task you can to make time for each other. Keeping up all the cleaning and laundry was starting to be a real stress on me and the relationship and I always felt really lazy or even ashamed to consider a house cleaner, also we are not extremely rich or anything ... but I found someone through a friend who was affordable and it’s the best investment I ever made towards my self care and our relationship. The results were immediate. I no longer had any feelings of resent and we had more time for each other and we were both instantly less stressed. Once you freed up sometime then you gotta plan something spicy to do (no kids!) and once that spark is re-lit it’s just maintaining from there ...