Posted in Marriage & Partnership

Mental Load

Anonymous

I’m sure a lot of you have read about the “mental load” of being a mom. I feel this everyday. My Husband and I both work full time and although he does help a lot with the kids and has certain chores he does. I still feel like it’s a fraction of what I do. He doesn’t see the messes - he doesn’t understand that the kids can’t live on chicken nuggets. He doesn’t buy the car seats. What’s worse if my husband is NOT a handy guy. So, half the time when things break around the house it’s ... A. Me nagging him to try and figure out how to fix it. B. Me trying to fix it. C. Me calling my father to help fix it. It just drives me nuts. When I try to talk to him about it tells me to just let him know what he needs me to do. Which just irritates me. He also gets mad at me nagging. He says I’m constantly telling him he’s not good enough and that he tries. He does try ... but his efforts sometimes weak or in attentive. I dunno, just wondering if any of you have dealt with this and has anybody had any luck making it better? He s a good Dad. I just am SO tired and becoming resentful.

  • B
    Jun 11

    My husband and I went through this exact thing when my daughter was an infant. We decided he was going to take set jobs and they were his without me reminding, but he’d do them. When I pointed out that having to remind still puts part of the burden on me, he got it. So he washes ALL the dishes/bottles/pump parts daily. He folds the laundry. He does bathtime solo. And we split the cleaning and cooking based on who has time/energy. He chose what he thought he’d be good at and would be stuff off my plate. And I let it go if he folds he laundry ways I don’t like.

  • Elle
    Jun 12

    Google Love languages. Each of you take it. Then discuss each other's results.