Anonymous

Mom guilt

Ever since my first daughter was born 2.5 years ago she has been the center of attention. Everything that she does, and learns is celebrated by both my husband’s family and mine. This weekend We welcomed our second daughter to the world but our first born has been so visibly unhappy, I don’t know what to do. First of all she has been very distant towards me, and the times she actually wants any attention from me is when I’m breastfeeding the new baby or trying to put the baby to sleep. I try to explain to her that I will be with her as soon as I’m done with the baby but she gets upset and goes and sits alone in a corner. When I’m free and try to play with her she wants nothing to do with me. It is breaking my heart. Today will be the 4th day, I hope things get better. 😢 I feel like I’m losing my little girl.

  • Heather
    Nov 05

    It will get better my daughter will be 2.5 in December and my son is 7 weeks. Try to get her to help with baby to either bring dirty diaper to the trash and getting burp cloth wen you breastfed. It has seemed to help with the jealousy. When baby is sleeping try and do an activity with her.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 05

    I agree! Are you pumping at all? Maybe when she gets really upset while breastfeeding you can say, “hey! Maybe next time YOU can feed her, would you like that?” I feel like inclusion, as heather mentioned, is a great way to bring everyone together :) it will get better!!

  • Anonymous
    Nov 05

    Im definitely trying to get her involved, unfortunately baby had to be in NICU for a couple of days and we’re dealing with a bit of nipple confusion so im trying to stay away from bottle feeding until she gets the hang of breastfeeding. Im trying to include her in other ways though it’s just tough.

  • Dawn
    Nov 05

    Get a few books from the library regarding new siblings (the new baby) etc. these seem to help a lot. Also, a small gift FROM THE BABY to her with a card that says “Thank you _____ for helping mommy take care of me. I love that you’re my big sister and I love you so much” it really made a difference with my older daughter when we brought our 2nd daughter home. Good luck!!!!

  • Ivy
    Nov 05

    I gave my boys a little doll to take care of. They both enjoyed that stage a lot and took care of the baby doll. While I’m feeding my daughter, the boys always seem to be super needy, so I’ll direct them to their baby doll or have them sit next to me while holding their baby sisters legs or help pat her back to burp her

  • Momof2
    Nov 05

    Maybe try special toys for your older one that only come out when you’re nursing the baby? That way your older one feels like it’s special time for her as well. It is really hard at the beginning but it does get easier! No one told me how much I was going to miss my older child when the baby came along. My girls are two and four now and absolutely adore each other and play well together. Hang in there mama!

  • Rebecca
    Nov 05

    When I had my second it was and still is very hard for my first. It rocks there world. I started special time naming it her name and mommy time with the oldest when I could. That helped. Also have my oldest help as much as possible. Get a stool for the changing table let her powder the baby up. Let her use diapers on her baby dolls. We went shopping for a special gift for new baby. Little things. story time together. It is still hard but it is getting better and I see love starting to grow. Can you dress them both up and take pictures together ? I know my oldest loves photos. Maybe find a new activity to do with the oldest that could be special. Like making cookies or something.

  • anonymous mom
    Nov 06

    My friend went through this exact same thing, almost exact same age difference too. She ended up finding things to do with her older daughter while the younger one nursed (obviously once the new baby gets nursing down pat, which I realize can take some time!). She would do things like put the baby in her carrier, let her nurse, and read the older one a book or help color or craft or something. Good luck and congratulations!!!

  • Anonymous
    Nov 06

    Maybe you can make breastfeeding bonding moment with all of you? You can have her sing to the baby or hold a book for you to read to her and the baby while you do it. While I think special toys and stuff would help, I think shes feeling left out and maybe even jealous of the attention

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Nov 06

    I did my best to make breastfeeding bonding time. I sit on the floor and play legos while holding the baby in one hand and using the boppy, or read books, or even just snuggle and let them watch tv. Just so they feel you care too. It can be hard. Something about snuggling with others when I’m nursing can make me feel uncomfortable, but they really value the snuggle time since I’m always trying to get stuff done I don’t sit much, and they’re happy to play cars or legos with me when that’s an opportunity.

  • Jenny
    Nov 07

    You are only 4 days in. It will get better. Everyone is adjusting to the new normal and there will be some growing pains but things will settle down. Continue trying to initiate play time with her, I know it hurts that she refuses when you have time but she’s also learning how to regulate big feelings. Hang in there. You’re doing great ❤️

  • Jessica
    Nov 07

    Congratulations on your new baby! My children are the same ages apart and are now 4 and almost 2. It takes time for sure but what helped me was to remember that one of the best gifts you can give a child is a sibling. There will never be another person who will have the same shared experience growing up. They will form a bond while learning from and teaching each other. They will depend on each other for so much throughout life and bring joy to each other. There will be knock down drag out fights but through it all your family will grow together. I always tell my oldest that he made us a family and tell his sister she completed our family. Just remember it’s all temporary.