Anonymous

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

The past 2 Mother’s Days (my only 2 so far) my husband never acknowledged that I was a mother. Last year, my FIL took my MIL and me out for a Mother’s Day brunch even! Anyway, he says that I’m not his mother so he doesn’t need to do anything which makes sense to me... but also isn’t this a day to celebrate that I am a mother and that he is a father and that we appreciate each other? I know we should be doing that every day, showing appreciation... but that these are special days to go beyond? I’m curious on what others thoughts are on this. Do you plan your own Mother’s/Father’s day celebration until your child is old enough to try to plan something? Or does your spouse plan it for you?

  • Anonymous
    May 10

    In my opinion something small from the spouse including the baby until kids can do something. Like last year he said “WERE taking you to the zoo and to lunch today!” So he’s more or less showing our son it’s a special day etc etc before he can do it on his own.

  • Joanna
    May 10

    I plan Mother's Day and every other holiday or special occasion. This was my role before kids. We usually don't do much, maybe grocery store flowers and a home cooked meal with dessert. I send the flowers and cards to my mom and MIL. I buy myself a birthday gift or Mother's Day gift sometimes. I bought the birthday card for my 1 yo to scribble and give to me. Sometimes my husband buys me chocolate or takes one kid to buy candy for me, just depends on his schedule. Now that he is older, my son makes a craft at school for me. I prefer it this way because my husband picks terrible gifts and forgets important dates. He prefers it too.

  • Vicki
    May 11

    It doesn’t really matter what anyone else does for Mother’s Day or any other holiday. It’s your family now, you get to create your own traditions. Frankly if you tell your husband that you would like to be acknowledged and celebrated on Mother’s Day, I’m not sure what his motivation for saying no would be. If you’re telling him this is something that would make you happy and feel appreciated and really takes very little effort or money to do, why not do it?

  • Anonymous
    May 11

    @vicki - my husband is I think 5th or 6th generation American and I’m 1st. Growing up, I was under the impression that this was tradition for the spouse to plan and show appreciation for their spouse for mother’s/father’s day until the kids are old enough to help plan things as well. My husband seemed so firm on his views that I started to question whether or not I misunderstood this holiday and I was in the wrong for feeling upset about not being acknowledged on this day. I started to question myself more yesterday after attending my mommy and me class when our instructor wished us all a happy Mother’s Day and also gave us a bit of advice. She said that in her happy marriage, her first Mother’s Day she asked her husband what the plans were and he had nothing. He shared the same views as my husband in that she is not his mother and therefore did not need to do anything. So her advice to us was that mothers need to plan their own day and not expect anything from their husband. I wanted to say something about that not being right but held my tongue since all the other moms didn’t seem bothered by what she said. In my parents’ native country they had a Mother’s and a Fathers Day. It’s during a different month but they still have their own Mother’s and Father’s Day. I just didn’t know if maybe the concept of the spouse doing something for their spouse was a concept brought over from my parents’ culture. But now I know and feel confident that this holiday is what families make it. It’s a choice that couples make on how they want to view and celebrate it. I agree that if I want something small or just an acknowledgement that I deserve it. He deserves something as well on Father’s Day.

  • Cathy
    May 11

    My husband celebrates me. “Whatever baby wants,” is his catch phrase for me LOL. I’m very lucky. You are the mother to his children that he helped create. So by all means, if you want to make it special, you need to tell him that’s what you want. Otherwise, tell him that you’re spending the day out regardless 😂

  • Ashly
    May 11

    My husband as always “helped” the kids with celebrating. When they are younger they don’t understand want or how to celebrate. He also takes the whole load of caring for the kids so I can sleep in and do whatever I want for self care that day. I do the same for him on Fathers Day.

  • Aje
    May 11

    My husband celebrates me on Mother’s Day. He usually gets me something and we plan a special family event. I also do the same for Father’s Day. Even when my son was 1 we made a craft for him read a book about Father’s Day and planned a special family outing. I think that the parents need to set an example for the children and naturally should show appreciation for the role the spouse plays in the life of their children.

  • K
    May 11

    You are the mother of his children. It strikes me as odd that he feels that way being that his father acknowledges his wife, your MIL, and you on Mother’s Day. Just know that you have every right to want your husband to show appreciation for you as the mother of his children. Honestly, my husband comes from an extremely non conventional family so I’ve had to tell him straight out what I need from him. Happy Mother’s Day!! Make sure to celebrate yourself!!

  • Anonymous
    May 11

    Think the issue is much more deep rooted than just mothers day... does he appreciate you as a partner?

  • Tim
    May 12

    Guys, this is such a no-brainer: do something for the mother of your children!!

  • Geena
    May 12

    As simple as that actually, i agree with Tim

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    May 12

    Exactly, I agree with Tim!!! He should be treating you like a queen today!

  • Anonymous
    May 12

    Dont worry I didnt get anythin either. It makes us feel like sh*t tho. My son brought something home from headstart.. sad that the teachers thought more about me than my own husband. When fathers day rolls around dont acknowledge it... see how he likes it!!!

  • Erica
    May 12

    I think it’s worthwhile to let him know that you understand his perspective on the issue but your own experience is different. If you would like a gift/card/acknowledgment say so and ask him to “just do it for your sake”. It hardly takes any effort to buy/make a greeting card. It’s fine if he prefers other methods of appreciation for things he does but I think it’s important for spouses to make an effort to love each other they way they like to be loved and not just the way they are most familiar/comfortable with.

  • Brianne
    May 14

    It takes the tiniest bit of effort, buy a card, buy some flowers, and change an extra diaper. Ask yourself this: Do you want your child to show their spouse appreciation on mother’s/Father’s Day? If the answer is no then ok that’s how your family operates and that’s just what it is. If the answer is yes then you need to figure out how to teach your child to appreciate their spouse on their holiday without showing them.

  • Spring
    Friday

    I find this horrifying. Is it because I'm a lesbian? Anyway I rented a beachside cottage in Stinson Beach and took my wife and our son on a 3 day trip for Mother's Day because we deserve it! Signed, Befuddled.

  • Elena
    Sunday

    My ex husband would buy me a small gift and flower flowers from him acknowledging the fact that I was a good mom to his son and a present from at the time our baby which I thought was cute