Posted in Holidays, In-Laws

Mother’s Day went downhill

Anonymous

Anyone else’s Mother’s day full of tantrums? lol. Anyways, I have had 3 Mother’s Days since my son was born. The first, it was just us as a family of three. I sent everyone in my family that is a Mom - a card. (My Mom, my sister and my MIL). I didn’t get a card in return from anyone. For my second Mother’s Day - we went away for the weekend with my in-laws. I had my son make my MIL a painted mug with a card. When we gave it to her at breakfast she had nothing for me and then came back hours later with a plant and said, “Sorry I forgot.” Again, I sent everyone cards and got nothing in return. This year, I sent everyone cards and got nothing as well. I sent my MIL a card and she thanked me last week for it. This year - I DIDN’T even get a TEXT from her. Nothing. I know she knew it was Mother’s Day since she posted it on Facebook. What do I do for next year? Do I stop making the effort for my MIL? She recognizes her son - my hubby - for Father’s Day. But I am so tired of making an effort for everyone else - especially her when there is zero effort for me in return. Thoughts?

  • AdamAnt
    May 13

    You are not obligated to send cards, gifts, or even texts for any holiday. If you aren’t feeling it - don’t do it. That being said, it might be that they appreciate your warmth, but choose not to reciprocate for some reason. Next year, if you choose to send out cards, try to do it with zero expectations of anything in return, & it might be less stressful. Otherwise, maybe try a year without cards.

  • Anonymous
    May 13

    Stop doing it..... especially expecting something in return as it ruins your day when that doesn’t happen. At most send a text and be done with it. It should be about you if anything by ur kiddo, hubby or yourself.

  • Anonymous
    May 13

    Okay. Thank you. I would at least expect - a happy Mother’s Day in return - if I sent a card.

  • Raji
    May 13

    Some people r just takers and not givers.

  • Anonymous
    May 13

    It’s super sweet that you send cards. It would literally never occur to me to do that. Maybe to have my kid make grandma a card. So...if it offends you stop doing it. I certainly wouldn’t expect others to send cards (except my husband to help my kids). But wouldn’t expect anyone else to get me a gift. I see why you’re upset, but I think you’re expecting a lot.

  • Anonymous
    May 13

    Expecting a lot? I don’t think it takes much to send your daughter-in-law a simple text when she herself got a sweet card from us. The reason I send cards is because I love to do it. I love to celebrate people. I love to celebrate life. Like who doesn’t love to get a card in the mail? Maybe I’ll lower my expectations and not send her a card since she’s the one who never acknowledges it.

  • Anonymous
    May 13

    Let me rephrase. I think yes she should send a text after getting a card from you. And it’s awesome you love to send cards. But some people don’t love to send them. And that’s ok too. I just think on Mother’s Day we should celebrate our own mother, and the mother of our children, and don’t think it’s obligatory to celebrate every mother you know. It’s a lovely gesture. And they should be spurred to text or call in response. But if they don’t and it’s upsetting you, I can see that for many people it wouldn’t occur to them

  • Kieli
    May 14

    If you want to acknowledge the mothers around you, I would just send a text. Or a phone call. Don’t do anything major especially now you know where you stand with them. This year I got my mother a gift, my grandmother a gift card and my MIL a card with cash. My mom and grandma got my a new tv, but nothing from my MIL, which is fine by me.

  • anonymous mom
    May 23

    I’m not trying to be judgmental at all, so bear with me here. But I honestly think when people spend a lot of time comparing what they gave vs what they received it ends up creating a lot of undue negativity and the person who offended them by not reciprocating will not change anyway. Yes, stop making effort for your mil. She clearly doesn’t make the effort for you. If your husband wants to acknowledge her for Mother’s Day then he can spend 3 minutes picking out a card and 2 extra minutes signing it, addressing it, stamping it, and sticking it in the mailbox with the flag up. Every year I send my mom and my mil a card. My mil knows it comes from me but she thanks my husband. My mom always acknowledges me in some way but she’s my closest and most treasured friend so our relationship is different. I have just come to accept that in almost every way, my mil is a selfish narcissistic person. Not because of the cards but for so many reasons (do you have a few boxes of wine? Yes I’m classy like that. Because the stories I could tell you...). Anyway, I just realized a long time ago to stop comparing. I give what I want to give and what I need to give in order not to feel bad, but that’s it. A thank you is appreciated, but if it doesn’t come then I let it go. After two or three non thank yous, if it really bothers me I stop giving. Life is too short to compare and get upset. Mother’s Day should make us feel good.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 21

    I don’t even get anything from my husband 😅 it’s been my second this year. I still make him a gift. It does hurt, but literally have no expectations and it somewhat makes it better.