Anonymous

Mothers intuition

I dont like my mil, she is rude. But is that a good enough reason to not let my son spend the night at her house? I would like them to have a relationship. But I dont want a relationship with her. I'm not sure if it's my dislike for her or my intuition telling me not to send him to her house anymore. My boyfriend wants his mom to see our son as much as she wants, which is one weekend a month. But I imagine as he gets older she’ll want more stretches of time. It's just an odd feeling to have to compromise on..I am sending my son to someone I dislike. What are your thoughts on this?

  • Seven
    Mar 28

    It is okay to let your son has a relationship with your mil. I had issue with mine but I kept it separate from her relationship with my sons. I think it’s wrong to block your kids from their grandparents. I think as long as they love your kids, and they take good care of them, it’s cool.

  • molly
    Mar 29

    Let him have his own relationship. God forbid if anything happens to you he needs to be surrounded by people he knows and loves. Plus karma goes around. One day you will be a MIL.

  • Mimi
    Mar 29

    Could you maybe elaborate on why you feel that way? What do you mean by rude? Unless there's a really good valid reason, I agree with the previous comments, I wouldn't get in the way of their relationship.

  • Vicki
    Mar 29

    Agree with Mimi, would need more detail. Also, how old is your son? Could she see him more without sleeping over?

  • Anonymous
    Mar 29

    Well if you don’t like her and she doesn’t like you regardless of titles I’d never send my kids to someone to hates me. It’s just logic. That’s my opinion. My children will be around those who also love and respect me otherwise what for???!?!

  • Jess
    Apr 01

    How old is your son? A week seems like a long time. if it’s nothing more than her being rude I’d still let her see him. Also when he gets older he’ll be in school so week visits won’t be very convenient.

  • Kelly
    Apr 01

    I know how you feel. My mil is very rude and inappropriate. I have started being very selective with how much time my two year old spends with her. My daughter has begun acting out after being with my mil. Yelling at me spitting and hitting me, telling me to shut up and more. This only happens when she is or has been around my mil. So I have begun to say no. I told my fiancee that if he doesn't like it then he needs to have along talk to his mother about her attitude and what she says around our children. I do let them spend time together when I can supervise but I would prefer not to be around my mil at all. Stand your ground.

  • Theresa
    Apr 04

    I didn't like my mother-in-law early in our relationship but always encouraged her relationship with our children. I am glad I did. She is now one of my favorite people. If a relationship isn't good, you need to be responsible for your actions in the relationship. That means treating her the way you would like to be treated and speaking up if some behavior is not okay without condemning the person. My mother didn't like her in-laws when I was growing up and didn't hide the fact from us, not getting to see them often was a huge loss for me. I am glad I didn't do that to my children and that they have had a good relationship with loving grandparents.

  • Bee
    Apr 16

    I don't know why this ride seems to exist between you and your MIL, but to be honest it really doesn't matter. As a mom and baby's first protector, you need to follow your own intuition at every turn. Personally, overnight visits with ANYONE - relatives included - are completely out of the question for me at this stage. Mine is 13 months old and I have no idea if this will ever change. Other than that, I think supervised time is a VERY fair compromise. I think it's COMPLETELY nutty for any MIL to expect that she can have a relationship with your child that is exclusive of you, even if your partner/husband is involved.

  • Steph
    Apr 27

    I wouldn’t let my relationship with any in law get in the way, but then again I wouldn’t let my kids stay overnight with them either. I want them to get along and love their family and cousins and such, but I have strong reasons to not let them stay overnight without me around. First, my kids are bilingual and although they know to speak English with my in laws, my in laws still don’t understand my kids bc they assume automatically that it’s a different language, when it’s not at all. I’ve seen my daughter ignored many times when she talks to them and also because their eyes are glued to the tv or they get distracted, like my husband, very easily. At an annual family vacation with my in laws, they only had to watch my daughter for 5 minutes so that I could use the bathroom and help out in the kitchen. Good thing I trusted my intuition and watched as my MIL get distracted with a book while my daughter walked over to the staircase and almost fall down. She was only 16 months at the time. And there were many instances where they just let my kids sit in front of the tv because it was the easiest way to keep them still... sigh.

  • anonymous mom
    Aug 08

    I wouldn’t do it. Not liking someone is more than enough of a reason to not let my child around them alone (meaning without me). That may have to change in the future if (for example) I don’t like one of my daughters teachers or friends. But even so, I wouldn’t let her spend the night with anyone I had a bad feeling about or didn’t like.