My 3 year old won't listen

So, big news, I am expecting! My 4th baby...We are all very excited except, I know it's said that some children act out because they unconsciously think they are being replaced or mommy and daddy won't have time for them..but my 3 year old is taking it to a whole new level of acting out. She won't listen for anything. She has always listened to me when we out and now I can ask her 2-3x and nothing. It's not until she sees me mad that she listens. When we are holding hands, she will scream and yell and randomly throw herself on the floor! Sometimes I feel it must look like I'm trying to abduct my own daughter because her screams will be ear shattering. It's not like our schedule has changed. We read together at night. Snuggles in the morning, she is with me just the same. I talk to her about the baby and she seems really excited. She helps me with baby stuff but she is just having a lot of trouble listening to me or daddy. Help!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 26, 2019

    I wonder if it's less her anxiety about the impending arrival of a new sibling, and more about a change in routine? Has your pregnancy changed your/her schedule at all? Or are preparations for the new baby causing disruptions to the normal routine? It could be that the excitement around the new arrival is creating distractions from daily life and your 3-yr-old is having difficulty managing the shake ups in routine. Idk, just speculation...

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Dec 26, 2019

    Could just be her going through a developmental stage, not related to the baby. I have 4 kids, ages 5 and under, and it seems like age 3 they want to really establish their independence. Have you tried creating more opportunities for her to make decisions and feel more powerful in her life?

  • Genesis
    Dec 26, 2019

    Her schedule is pretty much the same. I squeeze little things throughout our day but essentially our times haven't changed at all. Maybe we are pushing too much on her at the same time. We have let her establish her independence but she chooses to stay next to me for most of the time or gets mad if I'm not there sharing the experience with her..although, there are rare times she loves her independence and we let her be but it's not too often. What are some activities/opportunities that I can introduce to her to help her independence?

  • Amanda
    Dec 26, 2019

    One idea to help her take ownership of the new baby's arrival, and something that she can do relatively on her own to assert independence, could be to ask her to draw some pictures/do some art pieces for the new baby's room. Ask her to draw some pictures that she thinks the new baby would like to see when s/he is born. This could be a neat way to include her in the changes happening within your family, while also giving her a calming and creative activity to complete.

  • Genesis
    Dec 26, 2019

    Thank you Amanda!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 26, 2019

    I have a 3 yo, he's almost 4, and at about 3.5 he totally did a 180 and started doing really aggressive things like hitting, kicking and biting us. And there was zero listening or behaving for us going on. I was ready to call a doctor, but none of his care takers were complaining, in fact I was getting compliments from them about how well behaved he was. There were no changes in his routine, about a month into it he started eating everything I brought into the house, basically blew past 4t clothes, and is now at the beginning stages of learning how to read! He is basically past it now, so I guess I would just tell you to wait it out. We did do A LOT of talking about feelings and how he needed to tell us how he's feeling so we can help him. And when he got really bad I would just tell him he could go to his room because none of us wanted to be around him if he couldn't be nice, or tell us what was wrong. Also when he screams I threaten to leave where we are, or tell him I'm not going to talk to him if he does that, because ultimately he's seeking attention whether it be good or bad.

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Dec 27, 2019

    For the independence thing, I mean creating opportunities for her to make choices. Like what shirt to wear, when she wants to leave (2 minutes or 5 minutes from now?), anytime you turn a demand or request into a choice, the better. It will give her a better feeling of power throughout the day and should help her cooperate in the situations where there can’t be a choice. My 3 yr old hates being asked to go to the bathroom and put on his nighttime pull up. But if I ask him whether he wants to do it now or in two minutes, he picks and happily cooperates when it’s time. It’s crazy but it works.