L

My boyfriend's complicated + expensive divorce stresses me out. How do I live with this?

I posted a few months ago and it made me feel so much less alone in my situation... so now I'm back for more. For over a year I've been dating a single dad. He's the best. He's raising 2 kids mostly on his own. The kids seem to like me and I've been getting to know them better. My boyfriend and their mom are in the process of getting divorced. It is complicated for many reasons I don't really want to get into here (the kids, mental health, less-than-attentive lawyers, money, extended family baggage, distance... especially money.) My question is: how do *I* live with this? How do I stay sane amid a crazy and stressful and overwhelming situation? I feel like I am way too invested in it all and there is nothing I can do to fix any of it. The numbers and the details make me so anxious. I do lots of yoga and try hard to manage my own energy and do my own things. He and I are going to experiment with not talking about any of it for the next week. That means he'll need to vent to other people. I love him and want to be there for him but I can't drive myself insane in the process. Have any of you dealt with secondhand divorce stress? How did you manage it? Did it ever get easier? Thank you!!!

  • Jenny
    Nov 26, 2018

    Whoa! Wish I could help you. I would be out of there so fast! Bad vibes. For me personally I think it’s a red flag when someone goes relationship right to another relationship. There needs to be a cleanse time. That’s just me, I don’t know the detail, wish you the best!

  • L
    Nov 27, 2018

    Thanks for the kind words! It's a long story and there was some cleanse time.... We're experimenting with new boundaries and I'm feeling a lot better about it than I was when I wrote this original post (which seems hidden on the Android app....) Thanks again!

  • Jenny
    Nov 27, 2018

    Glad to hear! 🤗

  • Teena
    Dec 13, 2018

    You are on the right track!! I am in the same situation and I was so stressed out until someone said something that changed my whole outlook....His divorce is none of your business. I know it seems harsh, but truly it is not. His marriage was not your relationship and neither is his divorce. If he wants to come to you for support, then support him, but you cannot and should not be making any of the decisions about what happens in his divorce or how it is handled. The details and fine print are things that you should not be burdened with.

  • L
    Dec 13, 2018

    Yessss! Thank you Teena. I agree. It is none of my business.... Also I know this baggage isn't really going anywhere so a lot of it is about how I relate to the situation. He's started sharing less of the details with me and that has made it a little easier.